January 28, 2015

Damned if yuh do and damned if yuh don’t

Old people gotta sayin that some times yuh does be damned if yuh do and still damned if yuh don’t. That got to be de way de Prezzie musbe feelin right now wid whah goin on in this country.
Every ting whah Rum Jhaat and Green Jah want, de Prezzie give dem double. Dem ask fuh dialogue, and when dem get it, dem didn’t want it. And dem ain’t tek it. Instead dem tek dem eyes and pass de Prezzie and de people of this country.
De Prezzie still ask dem again and again, and again and again dem still ain’t tek it. All de time Rum Jhaat prefer to tek he tuks and Green Jah prefer to tek he eyes and pass de Kissmoon woman in Linden.
Then dem complain that de Prezzie prorogue Parliament. De Prezzie seh don’t worry, elections in the New Year. So said, so done. De Prezzie keep he promise and call de elections. First month in 2015, and elections date done call arready.
Some of dem ambASSadors stay just like that. Green Jah and Rum Jhaat run so much to dem ambASSadors that dem behavin just like dem two crooks. Dem fuhget that dem name ambASSadors and not Prezzie. And that mASSa days done.
De Ayre Man had a lotta air bout him. So when he jump up in de air and talk sheer hot air, by de time he reach back down, he had to go back to wheh he come from to get some cold air.
De Hardt Man had also learn de same ting de hard way. Since then de man who suppose to replace he friken to come.
A couple of months ago KopASSky and de Hee-You tell de Guvament that dem was doin well wid every ting fuh de lil sea defence money and fuh de lil sugar money. Now suddenly de money get hold up.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! It got to be that KopASSky ASSume that he can still behave like a mASSa.

Share Button

Both Green Jah and Rum Jhaat wanna be on top

Rum Jhaat like to sing and dance to “one in front and one behind”. Especially when he performin pun Station Street and at 7-owe-4 from 7 till 4. Since he and Green Jah start sleepin together, he does sing it nuff times before dem sleep.

He does friken to sing it when he deh home though. Any ting bout front when Rum Jhaat deh home is he in front of a large. And any ting bout behind when Rum Jhaat deh home is he gettin licks in he behind.

Of course, that is licks in he behind to pick up de empty bottles and clean up when he done throw up. De fact that he does pay dem fellas to clean up after he throw up any where in GT don’t wuk at he home address.

But nowadays no body wanna deh behind. Not Green Jah, not Rum Jhaat. Every wanna be in front like a leadah. And Guyana gotta lotta people who wanna be leadah. No body ever wanna “follow de leadah-leadah-leadah”. That is why Rum Jhaat don’t sing and dance to that.

Rum Jhaat wanna lead Green Jah, and Green Jah wanna lead Rum Jhaat. De best ting woulda be to put de two of dem to lead one another. Or as Sparrow seh, “both awee on top” (of one another). Should be a nice piece of wrestling (hustling?) match to see two old men tryin to get on top of one another.

De Nagga Man wanna be leadah too and in fact Rum Jhaat done put he to be leadah fuh de elections. Since then Nagga Man start smilin and by de time he done a large he does start laughin.

But old people seh who laugh last laugh de best. And right now de Nagga Man don’t get to see Rum Jhaat laughin in secret because he tink he gon be de leadah fuh Green Jah, who does also call he heself de leadah.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Soon both of dem gon wanna be on top of Nagga Man!

Share Button

Green Jah get whah he want, and still ain’t like it

Old people does seh some people belly does full, but dem eye ever does never be full. One set of people like that is dem politicians, especially dem ones in Parliament. To eat $1.7M every time it got Parliament, it must mean that dem MPs eye never full even when dem belly full.

Rum Jhaat eye does never full whenever he deh pun Station Street. Same with he rum pardna Nagga Man. De two of dem eyes and throats does mek any large look like a quarter.

On de other hand, Lalloo eye does full quick, but he pants never full. And Freedie de man kisser home library always full, but he eyes used to be full goin into U-Gee Library and he hands used to be full comin out.

That is why he miss U-Gee so much, but he does wanna mek people tink is because he lose he wuk. De problem wid Freedie and books is that he eyes does full wid dem, but never he head. And Freedie only got one head, which ain’t good at all.

Well, every body had thought Green Jah and Rum Jhaat eye woulda be full when de Prezzi finally announce de elections. After, that is whah dem had want fuh so long. Or so dem used to tell de whole of Guyana.

Problem is, dem never tek old people advice that yuh mustn’t ask fuh some ting too much, because yuh might very well get it, and when yuh get it, yuh ain’t gon like it. So said, so done. Now that dem get elections dem ain’t want it.

Even Lin de Con Man and Mookormack ain’t want it. A big consultant fuh a lil party seh is friken dem friken, but de consultant can’t seh that in public, especially since Rum Jhaat and Green Jah wanna do every ting between de sheets.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And when two people deh between de sheets, dem does got to tek whah dem get!

Share Button

Freedie don’t only go to walk pun de sea wall

Some people in de media in this country like talk bout freedom of speech. But dem is de same people who does abuse freedom of speech. Dem same people does wanna turn round and talk bout abusin freedom of speech, and dem is de biggest culprits.

That is de height of “do as I say and not as I do”. Dem wanna break de rules of freedom of speech and then turn a blind eye. But Adumb doin this kinda wuk since Burnt Ham days, so is nutten new.

Some politicans stay just like that too. Nagga Man does wanna tell people to “shut yuh so-and-so mouth” and Rum Jhaat does wanna tell people to “haul yuh *ss”. It look like these two politicians like to deal wid sheer mouth and sheer *ss.

De problem is yuh can never know de difference between mouth and *ss wheh these two *ss holes concern. Especially when ever dem down de road knockin down a large, which is largely every day if yuh ask dem fellas pun Station Street.

If dem only tek out de beam outta dem own eyes, dem gon start to see good enuff to tek out de mote outta other people eyes. But a lotta dem done blind arready, and that ain’t got cure.

That is why people like Freedie de man kisser can’t see any ting good in this country. De real problem is that de man kisser can’t see at all, except see when he wanna kiss another man pun de seawall, and instead tell every body at home he gone to walk.

A lil boy at U-Gee seh Freedie would walk any distance fuh a kissie. Not to mention de man kisser would say any ting to get pun Bis Ram poll any time of de day. Or night.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! As fuh de Ayre man, he hadda lotta air bout him. So he let out all he hot air just before he hit de air to go back to he cold air.

Share Button

Expensive people got cheap talk

Old people seh talk is cheap. And Guyana got plenty of that. Both de talkin and de cheapness. People does talk de talk and then can’t walk de walk.
One paper man talk big and bold in he own paper that he gon publish all Guvament ads fuh free. De very next day he change he talk when he realise is whah really he talk de day before. He couldn’ta walk de walk. Up to this day.
A hotel man not got big talk that he can put US$8 million in to another hotel. When de same man had a chance to put de money into the hotel, he bad talk de hotel and ain’t talk a word bout money.
He hadda long time to walk de walk, but he choose to talk a different talk now to collect de US$8 million from he lawyer friend. Like he fuhget this lawyer friend is a man who can mek money disappear altogether. Just talk to de Feathers people and dem people who does send money from New York fuh de KFC party.
De hotel man don’t even talk bout spendin money to fix de bathroom door, de faucet and de door locks in de hotel whah he own right now. So when he talk bout puttin money in another hotel, every body know it musbe be just talk. And de fact that de hotel man name begin wid “ROB” is serious talk.
Nagga Man does talk that he supposed to be de Prezzi, and he seh Cheddi talk that same talk before he dead. But every body know that was only sheer Nagga Man talk, because only he hear that talk.
Women also known fuh cheap talk, and a women seh in a press conference de other day that she gon stop tekkin pay if de Guvament MPs stop tekkin pay first. But this is a woman (and she husband) who used to collect Sight Global money and never talk a word.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De most expensive people does give de cheapest talk!

Share Button

Nagga Man lookin fuh de impossible

In life yuh does meet some people who really bare face. And old people seh bare face people is people who ain’t got no shame. Dem would do tings right in fronta yuh face and yuh eye ball and still seh is not dem. Or play like if is not dem.

In Guyana, once yuh mention de word bare face, some people does come to mind right away. De other day Nagga Man been to a press conference and lawda mercy that was a bare face talkin some bare lies next to some bare stupid people at a head table.

Nagga Man so bare dotish that he seh he gon never answer a question whah a reporter ask he, and then he turn round and answer de same question wid a bare face all in de same sentence. So was bare b*lls at de press conference.

And these days it look like Nagga Man and Rum Jhaat don’t ever deh in de same place at de same time. Dem two got two different campaign goin on. Nagga Man is a presidential candidate fuh one party and Rum Jhaat is a prime minister candidate fuh PANTY.

Even Nagga Man tell somebody he never realise that a man who call he self a friend woulda set he up and leff he just so bare skin at de top. Nagga Man gon soon start to do some bare impossible tings to mek tings look at least barely possible fuh he.

Right now it impossible fuh he to be a prezzie, but he tryin to sound like if it possible. And he wish it was possible fuh he to crawl back to de Pee-P-P. But he still hopin that it gon be possible to mek impossible tings look possible all over again. But it look like that is barely a possibility.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all, it very possible fuh Nagga Man to do any ting any time, but some tings gon just never be possible wid he! Bein prezzi is just one!

Share Button

Nagga sorry he open he mouth

Some people born stupiddy, some grow up stupiddy and some just plain stupiddy fuh all dem life. And nowadays, people does quick to know when some body dumb if dem look or behave stupiddy.

Fuh a good while over de last couple of weeks, de Nagga Man had turn like de poor dumb boy, which is a lil different from bein stupiddy. But in Nagga Man case, both stupiddy and dumb fit de man perfect, unlike dem suit whah he does wear.

Nagga Man still dumb even in he old age and he does behave like a lil boy. Now law school mek he lil more dumb. Nagga Man don’t even have to hang a “poor-dumb-boy” notice by he neck.

But Nagga Man certainly not poor wid all that money whah he collect from de NICE-LIL place in Kingston. Plus if yuh consider all de FUCOP money, then Nagga Man life set fuh life.

And he is a man who don’t miss out on he duty free. Least Nagga Man coulda is help out de FUCOP man who always lookin fuh duty free. But now de FUCOP man gon end up in a pumpkin jump suit if he don’t beg hard enuff, or tek de same FUCOP money and pay de $100 million.

Nagga Man jump up in Parliament and tell de whole country that he tell he grandson to shut he so-and-so mouth. But these past couple of weeks, it look like some body tell Nagga to shut he so-and-so mouth.

So Nagga Man wasn’t sayin nutten to no body. Some body seh was Rum Jhaat who shut up Nagga Man. Another some body seh Nagga Man couldn’ta seh any ting to any body because Rum Jhaat wanna keep every ting a secret, even de FUCOP money.

So at this stage it look like both Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man gon end up with plenty FUCOP money.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But as soon as Nagga Man decide to open he mouth again, he sound more dumb and more stupiddy!

Share Button

Samad run from de fryin pan!

It gotta lotta people who does run around all over de place in Guyana. It got those who does run fuh exercise and it got those who does run from some ting or some body. Some does run from de truth and some does run mad every day like Freedie de man kisser.
Moon does run till day ketch up too, and de man who knock down dem people in Providence de other day had tink he coulda run run like de moon. But he fuhget that day does come when night done.
So when Police hold on pun he in Eccles, he wish it was still night time. But he couldn’ta run no more. Now dem fellas at Camp Street got he runnin backwards and he don’t even get a chance to see day nor night wheh he deh. And dem fellas mekkin he see daylights when get tired runnin backwards!
Dem mini-bus and taxi drivers does wanna run down people just like how Green Jah wanna run down de country, and every body know which rum shop Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man does run to, whether is a wukkin day or not.
Lil Johnny used to try hard to run from Uncle Rafeel whenever Uncle Rafeel was hard on (in?) him, but now poor Lil Johnny don’t know wheh to run. All because Uncle Rafeel know good how to trot down any man – any where, any how, any time and fuh any ting.
Lalloo mighta been de only man Lil Johnny coulda run to, because Lalloo don’t get hard wid no body. But then again Lil Johnny mighta been in more danger because Lalloo is a cut throat who who does run and pick up knife to cut people throat.
Some people simply gotta runnin problem altogether. Samad de nomad is one of dem who gotta runnin problem. When he run and seh one ting, Rum Jhaat does run and seh some ting different.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! So Samad de nomad run from de fryin pan and into de fire!

Share Button

Freedie ain’t got nutten to show

A New York poll man, who happen to also be a ram, does expose Freedie de man kisser a lotta times in de press. Freedie like to tink that he bright and that he can poll more than de New York poll man.

But Freedie seh he gotta poll, but he never show he poll yet, and he does wanna see plenty people poll.
Now when some body seh dem have some ting and dem ain’t wanna show it, it could be that dem ain’t got de ting in de first place. Or it could be that dem have it, but it ain’t good. So wid Freedie poll, yuh can never know is which one of de two, because he never show it.

Now some lil boy who does write one and two tings to de Editor mek Freedie look like a lil boy too. Up to this day, Freedie can’t show whah ever research he ever do, and de lil boy ask Freedie to show it.

Is now people realise that it look like wid all dem books whah Freedie thief, he don’t even read dem. De Misirable man should just give one of he books to Freedie and hope that he read it. After all Freedie love freeness.

So again, it could only mean that Freedie never do any research, or if he ever do any, it ain’t good. At least one research whah he do on de Misirable man was wrong. So Freedie mek de boss man had to seh sorry not once, but two times.

Now Freedie boss man accustom to sayin sorry and beg pardon. Whole year last year he had to be tellin people sorry and beg pardon, but he been hopin fuh a different year this year. Or to simply beg fuh other tings, like Lexus and so on.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! At least so far, Freedie boss man was hopin that this year he woulda only have to beg de Guvament and GRA. Now he got to beg to save Freedie too!

Share Button

Old Clive wanna be in de room too

Some people like to hide and do tings. Dem like de dark and dem like to do tings in the dead of night. Dem also like deh behind closed doors. But is a good ting de good book seh whah ever is done in secret gon get expose in plain day light.

Is de same as sayin who ever come thru yuh back door does got to run out de front door at some time. And every day bucket goin good, but some day de bottom does fall out.
So every ting in life does come to light at some time. Yuh can fool some people some of de time, but yuh can never fool all de people all de time.
One man used to plant a lotta pumpkins night time. Even though he used to buss de pumkins before dem pick, de pumpkins used to grow real big. People still ketch he and buss he back. And he got more of that to come.

As fuh NoGel Hugly, he believe he coulda move in de dark all de time wid de Sight Global money whah he used to collect every month. But just like how moon does run till day ketch up, NoGel run till he pants drop down.

Wasn’t much to see, except de money though. Definitely, Lil Johnny woulda never friken NoGel like how he friken Uncle Rafeel.
Rum Jhaat got dutty secrets and also like to do he dutty wuk in secret. He is a man who like to go in de back door every where he go. Except pun Station Street wheh dem places ain’t got no back door fuh rummies.

And whenever a large in de scheme of tings, Rum Jhaat don’t give a dam which door he use. In fact, he ain’t gotta problem collectin it through a window.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Now Rum Jhaat wanna lock up in a room wid Green Jah alone. De problem is, Old Clive who tink he still alive wanna go in too!

Share Button