July 25, 2014

Cling Tongue clingin like leech

Some people does deh every where yuh go. As old people seh, dem is people who just deh bout. Dem deh bout every where wid every body. Yuh go into a church, yuh see dem. Yuh go into a bar, yuh see dem. Yuh go to a funeral, yuh see dem. Yuh go to a wedding, yuh see dem. Yuh look in a photo, yuh see dem (in front too).

In GT, every where yuh go, yuh see Cling Tongue. That is because Cling Tongue like to cling to nuff tings and nuff people. A reporter tell another reporter that is not only he tongue does cling. De reporter seh Cling Tongue cling to a lil gyal so strong that not even a power saw can separate them.

Nuff people try to separate dem but dem ain’t succeed. De lil gyal she self try but she ain’t succeed either. That is because Cling Tongue can cling strong to any ting. When he cling on to some ting, is like how leech does cling on to dem prey and suck dem blood. Similar to how a parasite does tek and give back nutten in return.

Cling Tongue like to pose fuh photo and he like to deh in front. In all dem photos whah he deh in he clingin to some body. Now he clingin to de US and he clingin to de young people. Plus Cling Tongue like to mek headlines, but he still complain when he name appear in a headline de other day.

A reporter ask Cling Tongue some questions bout these same tings and Cling Tongue had a answer fuh every ting. Yet when Cling Tongue read de same answers whah he give, he get vex and write a letter to complain bout de same tings whah he seh.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But one ting whah Cling Tongue friken to seh is whether he clingin to Green Jah or to Rum Jhaat. Cling Tongue just waitin fuh de right time and de right ting to cling to some ting.

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At least one MP can tek a good kick

De World Cup football done and gone, and Germany gone home wid a trophy of sheer gold. But it got some people still playin football in Guyana. At least in dem mind dem seem to tink that dem can play some ting like football. So dem talkin a lot bout kickin a ball and bout how some body ball in some body court.

But is a different kinda ball dem talkin bout and is a different kinda gold also. It got white ball and red ball from Banks and DDL and it got El Dorado gold. That had to be whah de Nagga Man was talkin bout de other day when he tell a reporter he gon kick a ball to de Guvament in Parliament.

After all, when it come to kickin, de only ting de Nagga Man can do is tek a good kick and feel a high kick, especially when he tekkin white or red balls or a piece of gold. But since de Prezzie challenge he and he balls pardna Rum Jhaat, dem got ‘no confidence’ to kick de ball whah de Nagga Man was talkin bout.

And if yuh ask de Nagga Man to liff up he foot, he gon down he head and walk way. In any case, one of Nagga Man head already down fuh good, and neither he foot nor any ting else he got can liff up. He been to see a lotta doctors, but no doctor don’t bring back de dead.

One of Nagga Man pardna lawyers seh de other day that de Nagga Man does even bring he white and red balls to de court. And sometimes he does choose to bring de gold. Either way he does get a good kick.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And it does be more kicks when de Nagga Man fall down by de lil shop not too far from wheh he live. Plus when he reach home. That is, whenever he reach home!

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Rum Jhaat gon never visit Jamaica

De Guvament in Jamaica decide that dem gon put a stop to alcohol abuse. All de rum drinkin and bad behaviour must done, is basically whah de Guvament want. In fact, according to de news, de Jamaica Guvament want to stop de abuse of hard liquor especially, because dem seh it not good fuh people health and safety.

Well, if that news was true, then de Jamaica Guvament need to teach de Guyana Guvament how to handle tings like these. It gotta lotta alcohol abuse goin on right hey in Guyana and de Guvament ain’t doin nutten bout any ting.

Taxi drivers drivin drunk. Mini bus drivers driving drunk. Even de pullice and ex-pullice drivin drunk, knockin down people and killin dem. Then dem does drive away, throw out all de beer bottles from the car, and come back to de scene. At least one get he share of licks from people in Mahaicony de other day fuh de same nonsense.

Plus MPs drivin drunk and admittin publicly that dem does give pullice men bribes to keep dem quiet. Some MPs even goin to Parliament drunk. So imagine any law to stop alcohol abuse in Guyana gon have to happen wid a debate among a setta drunk men who abusin hard liquor and hardly a day does past dem.

As fuh Rum Jhaat, he read de article and decide that he ain’t ever goin to Jamaica, even if is billion dollar client he get to represent in court. Now he gettin worried because he was wonderin whether or not de entire Caricom might decide to do de same ting in all de Caricom countries.

Right away Rum Jhaat seh if that ever happen, he gon tek Caricom to court and then move a no-confidence motion against Caricom in Parliament. That is how hard Rum Jhaat gon fight to stop de abuse of hard liquor in Guyana.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all, Rum Jhaat does tek a lotta hard liquor very hard and it gon be hard ting now fuh he to stop!

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People disownin dem own people

People disownin people like crazy nowadays. Even yuh own people disownin yuh. It don’ matter wheh yuh come from. Or who yuh belong to. Or who is yuh mummah and yuh daady. Or how much money yuh got. Or wheh yuh live. Or who yuh married to.

Not even wheh yuh wukkin does wuk to help yuh out nowadays. Because is every body dem pullice men does ask fuh a raise. And de bigger de wuk place, de bigger de raise. That was a thing of de past when yuh coulda turn up and people woulda know yuh right away and treat yuh nice. And pullice woulda give yuh a break instead of breakin yuh down fuh a raise.

De Mayor-fuh-Life fuh instance used to turn up and every body used to fall down at he feet. Especially when he was Pee-M under de Pee-N-C, although that was a lotta pee. Now de Mayor-fuh-Life is de one who fallin down instead.

In fact, de Sober woman seh every ting fuh de Mayor-fuh-Life does fall down nowadays. Plus she not givin he any more free gas to put in he free car fuh any more gallavantin all over de place. Is de same as when yuh cut a fowl wing so it can’t fly. Well, de Mayor-fuh-Life never coulda fly but some ting get cut.

As fuh de disownin problem, Pee-N-C now disown de Kiss woman who had a problem wid Oscar de bite man. If de Kiss woman had only know that Oscar still got teeth, she woulda be more careful wid she kissin and both of dem woulda still be kissin and bitin wid no problems. Now de whole of Linden bitin, and all dem skalliwags in de Pee-N-C fightin.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And de Trickydadians disown dem own cricket team. Plus de man who cause it was same Tricky Minister who disown all dem people and ‘stuff’ whah he was hidin in a hotel. He thought he had more tricks than de mohawk fella who turn round and trick dem!

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King Clown give away GT

Once upon a time it had nuff kings and queens in de world. But nowadays it only gotta few kings and queens still around. De old-fashion kingdoms slowly becomin a ting of de past. And some kings and queens even givin up de kingship and de queenship. In de UK, one princess had even leff de prince and went wid some body else.

However, it gotta lotta people who tink dem is some kinda king or some kinda queen and does behave like dem is king and queen right hey in Guyana. Some of dem in Parliament and some of dem in de s*ity council doin sheer s*it.

On de other hand, it got some kings who prefer to be queens and some queens who tink dem got whah kings got. Hence, dem kings who stay like that does tek other kings fuh dem selves, and dem queens who don’t want kings does look fuh other queens when dem got certain special tings to look after.

Guyana had Sydney King and a Kenneth King who both had wanna be kings, but wid Burnt Ham playin king, dem didn’t stand a chance. Then, of course, not too long ago there was King Kong in de movies. Plus de s*ity council gotta king too.

De only ting is that de s*ity council gotta different kinda king. That is a special king. That king is King Clown. Any ting he do is clownish. Usually people does laugh at whah a clown do on stage, but in this case de people laughin de clown.

And he don’t need a stage. In fact, in reality he already got a stage at de s*ity council. Not too long ago King Clown had wanna be de Town Clerk as well. But he was more like a Clown Clerk. So either way, he is still a clown.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Now de clown gon have to answer how much dem people pay he fuh writin off dem people rich people tax.

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Kissoon fightin fuh she right

Guyana gotta a lotta Kissoons and dem mekkin de news big time these days. Any where yuh twist and turn is Kissoon name yuh hearin. Any where yuh go, it must gotta Kissoon. Yuh go to Parliament, it gotta Kissoon. Yuh go to Linden, it gotta Kissoon. Yuh go to de CON-gress Place, it gotta Kissoon.

Yuh go to de mud paper, it gotta Kissoon. Yuh look at de letter columns in some of de daily newspapers, it gotta Kissoon…every day it seems. Yuh go to court, it gotta Kissoon. Yuh go to de library, it gotta Kissoon who lookin to walk out wid book in he brief.

Of course, if yuh go to de John Lewis suit place, it gotta Kissoon who want a free suit, plus he ain’t want to pay fuh de one whah he buy. Yuh go to de Mario’s pizza place, it gotta Kissoon who lookin fuh a free pizza.

Yuh lookin fuh a soup drinker, it gotta Kissoon. And dependin on the kinda soup yuh give he, that is de kinda farticle he gon write bout yuh. Good soup, good farticle. Bad soup, bad farticle. This Kissoon even drink soup from de Pee-P-P/Cee and Nagga Man one time.

But now he tryin to drink two setta soup from two different place one time, that is, from de KFC and from de Pee-N-C. Is no wonder he dribblin so much and can’t control he mouth. Old people always seh too much of one ting never good fuh any body. Includin soup.

Well, de Linden people seh that these two Kissoons remind dem of de good, de bad and de ugly. Dem seh one of de Kissoons good and de other one bad and ugly all in one. But dem not sure if de bad more ugly or de ugly more bad.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all, one of dem from Linden and de other one, of unsound mind, come from some where in GT. One fightin fuh she right and de other one tink he always right!

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Every body want more of some ting

Some people never satisfy in life. Any where yuh go in de world, some body does always want some ting more than whah dem have. Even if yuh give some people some ting, some of dem does still want more. Some would even ask yuh fuh more, then talk yuh name if yuh don’t give.

Dem ain’t different from de dog whah had de bone in he mouth and then want de one in de shadow too. Dem does end up losin bone and shadow like de dog. Old people ain’t wrong when dem seh ‘give people one inch and dem does come back fuh afoot’.

Is greedy minds does tink like that, and it got nuffa dem around in de Guvament, in de Opposition, and even among dem who ain’t know wheh dem deh, like dem I-Hay-Cee people, de Blue Cap fella, and not fuhgettin Nasty Mento.

Accordin to a preacher, de Creator don’t re-create whah he done create one way, but it still got people who does even want more than whah God give dem. De man pun de Essequibo Coast who drop he pants pun de public road turn out to like that.

Every body see de man had one inch, but he do all de wrong tings he coulda do fuh de pullice to lock he up so he could get de other 11. So was real lick up in de lock up when he tell he cell mate that he prefer to keep he one and tek de 11 on the other side.

De KFC want more protest after dem done protest arready. Green Jah want more Commission of Inquiry, although he hidin like cat from one Inquiry. And of course de Mayor-fuh-Life want more terms as Mayor. That is, 20-year terms.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Now GuySuCo want more of some ting…a plan, because de board got bored readin de wrong plan de other day. But de Bell Crier feel de board gon be bored all over again even wid de right plan!

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More hell from G-Pee-Hell

Every time de weather change lil bit, G-Pee-Hell does start to give people hell. High, low or no voltage is de same hell wid G-Pee-Hell. Finally, de G-Pee-Hell Boss Man admit that dem got problems…serious problems…serious pole problems. And is not fuh de first time. So this Boss Man accustom to pole problems.

But he is also not de first or only Boss Man who got pole problems. Another Boss Man who does insist that he House Slave call he Boss Man also got pole problems a long time now. In fact, he pole outta power so long that one time he try to huff a transformer to mek it wuk.

Well, de huffin was from de same G-Pee-Hell that got pole problems, so is no wonder that Boss Man still got pole problems. And all of that huffin and pole problems was happenin right in de same street in GT.

De other day, de G-Pee-Hell Boss Man seh that de company got five different kinda pole problems: poles in some places too short, poles in some places not strong, some poles fallin down, some poles not goin in de holes (that is, in de ground, in case yuh tinkin warp), and some places ain’t got no poles at all. And that is a terrible ting; just ask another Boss Man, de Cee-Hen-S Boss Man.

That sound very much like de man (or so he does look) from Essequibo who drop he pants in front of a whole crowd of people. G-Pee-Hell shoulda start usin he fuh dem mascot because he got all de same pole problems like dem. De very minute he pull down he pants, de whole crowd realise he got problems with shortness and strongness.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Plus people seh it look like every ting was fallin down. So that means he gon always get problems wid holes. And when any body get dem kinda problems, is just like if dem ain’t got any pole. Which is why de crowd was askin if he real name is Nate or Natalie.

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De signs of a idle man

Green Ham gotta lotta time to write a lotta letters to the press. That is de sign of a idle man. He talkin bout interference de other day, but he don’t interfere with nutten. Not even de garbage in GT.

He ain’t got nutten much to do. But he does do much of nutten, yet collect a lotta prags fuh a lotta nutten de whole month. He is de first and only mayor any where in de world who gettin so mucha prags and still askin fuh more prags.

Who ever seh Guyana ain’t a free country ain’t know whah dem sayin. That kinda freeness whah de Mayor-fuh-Life gettin ain’t deh any where else in de world. Is nuff prags to do nuff nutten. And he been gettin all day, all week, all year fuh almost 20 years to do nutten. That’s a lotta nutten.

Clearly, Green Ham doin nutten well because he keepin he job. It got nuff people who does do a good job and still get fired when dem do one wrong ting. Or when dem ain’t do nutten. De New Orleans Mayor get fire fuh one wrong ting and de Toronto Mayor get send to rehab fuh one wrong ting.

But not even de Guvament can fire Green Ham. After all is de Mayor-fuh-Life yuh talkin bout. Never mind de Mayor-fuh-Life lookin like he ain’t got life. But he got almost 50 staff under he helpin to do all this nutten. It means that when some body under Green Ham, dem don’t do nutten, and he don’t do nutten too.

A preacher once seh that a idle brain is like a wukshop fuh de Devil. De problem is that Green Ham ain’t got brains, so de Devil musbe find some other part of de Mayor-fuh-Life body fuh he wukshop.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, dem Guyana basketball gyals certainly wasn’t idle in de last couple of days. De RGI headline de other day was: “Guyana women suffer back-to-back blowout….” And to tink that dem was playin in de British VIRGIN Islands!

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Nuff games playin and it ain’t sports

Sportsmen and sportswomen does play games fuh a livin. But it gotta lotta people who ain’t no sportsman or sportswoman and dem playin games in this country right now. And dem mekkin it into a big livin.

De US AmbASSador Ben Hard thought he coulda play hard ball wid Guyana and talk down to de Prezzi and to de Guvament. Well he end up gettin a Hard lesson that he gon remember fuh de resta he life. Some body seh Hard get soft when Manickchand talk like man to he. Now he colleague AmbASSador in Bahrain getta similar lesson.

Nuffa dem politicians playin games too, and dem ain’t gotta clue bout sports. Even de Sport Minister look like he sportin more than whah he lookin after sports. People playin football wid cricket and football gettin kick around de place.

Now de Prezzi playin cricket better than all he Ministers. And from whah some people seh who been to Albion to put on dem lights, de Prezzi could very well mek some of dem Waste Indians get drop fuh life.

Green Jah playin a different kinda game though. He playin politics wid he own party people and wid de whole country. When he get ready, he playin politics in Parliament. De other day Green Jah try to play politics with Oscar and Kissoon, but dem two wasn’t playin around.

Oscar like to bite, and some body seh Kissoon like to kiss, but not Oscar, and she don’t kiss *ss. Now de whole party got some people who can pelt a good bite when dem really get ready. Not to mention dem who does backbite.

So by de time de Pee-N-C Congress come around, it gon be a whole lotta bitin and back bitin. That is why Oscar gon do well. And some body seh Kissoon might getta kick instead of a kiss.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Now a Essequibo man thought he had more than *alls to play games. But when people tek a good look, that was all he had!

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