September 21, 2014 By
September 20, 2014 By
Guyana ain’t had local poll since 1994. That is 20 years ago – and that is a helluva long time fuh a country (or wuss yet, some body) not to have a poll. It more bad than starvation. Some people does go 20 hours wid out a poll and does get scratchity. And is only a poll does settle dem down.
That is whah happen all de way in Scotland de other day. Dem Scottish people was gettin scratchity. Dem had want independence from Britain, or at least some of dem did. So dem run a poll fuh de whole country. Old people and young people get a chance at de poll. Now every body settle down since dem had de poll.
But in Guyana and any where else, 20 years wid out a poll can’t wuk. No matter if yuh old or young. Most people does want poll at some time. And dem would never wanna wait 20 years fuh a local poll. Even if it a fuss time poll, 20 years sound like a long time. Especially nowadays.
Guyana used to get a lotta thiefin poll under Burnt Ham. When he dead, de Heights man start thiefin poll. It had to tek a real good poll to get de Heights man out. But Cheddi had de right poll fuh he.
Now de Harmy man Green Jah tek over. And Harmy men accustom to poll.
That is why Green Jah bring so mucha Harmy people in de party. He turn round and give he own party a thiefin poll. But now he don’t know if he want a local poll or a general poll.
So de Prezzi tell Green Jah to mek up he mind whah kinda poll he want. One time he deh behind Rum Jhaat poll, which is a no confidence poll. And when a man poll lose confidence, it better he drop dead, just like de poll.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Green Ham gon have to call a prayer service to make sure Green Jah get de right poll!
September 19, 2014 By
It gotta man who people does call Mr Clean, who used to play Mr Clean, according to whah people seh. Every ting used to look clean, accordin to whah he used to show people. Even de weights whah he used to lift, he used to use to lift dem clean off de ground, accordin to whah people see.
Mr Clean was on a trip not too long ago. And on that trip Mr Clean had to strip. And on that trip, when Mr Clean strip, he get ketch because he had mek a slip. That slip was a slip down, a slip up and a lotta tings whah he slip down he throat. Now he gon be on another trip back to wheh he first jump ship.
Mr Clean used to handle 800 pounds of iron pun he hand alone, but when he try to handle 1.4 pounds of cocaine in he belly, he end up falterin like jelly. And when he was in de NY Prison dem fellas had give he a new name Shelly.
When he was in fronta de judge he had try to tell a story that he been tryin to help he mother. But de judge mek it clear that he ain’t been a good ‘brother’. So when he beg fuh pardon, de judge tell he that he shoulda been plantin garden.
Well, just like how Mr Clean used to play clean in high day clean, it gotta another fella by a market who does play Squeezy Clean. He does preach as far as he can reach and when he hold on pun some body he does be like leech.
But this is man who from de beginnin used to put tings in salipenter and pumpkin that he coulda only do in de night under moon light. And of course he used to collect people money to send dem away and then disappear out of sight. But sooner rather than later tings start to come to light.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And with de tax man findin de nexus to de Lexus, Squeezy gon wish he was in Texus!
September 17, 2014 By
After all is said and done, Green Jah suppose to be a man of action. After all, men from de Harmy does be action men. That is because, after all, Harmy men does get a lotta action in and outta de Harmy.
After all, Green Jah indeed had some action outta de Harmy and near to de Prison in 1980. After all, that was quite a lotta action under Green Jah when Rodney was by the Prison and another Harmy man give he some ting to hold.
After all, Green Jah had to continue he own action to send de Harmy man to another Guyana. Was a whole lotta action to bring he back to this Guyana, but de problem was that Green Jah by then was hidin from de action.
De other problem is that, after all dem years, when every body thought that Green Jah woulda turn up at de Rodney CoI and talk bout de Rodney action, he seh he ain’t want that kinda action.
So Greeh Jah end up hidin from that action too. And to this day, he still hidin from that action. Some body seh he friken that de action gon turn againt he. But one woulda thought that as a old (in every sense of de word) Harmy man, he woulda still want a piece of de action.
But de other day, he announce a totally different kinda action. And to get that action goin, he had to team up wid he old (in every sense of de word) pardna in action, Green Ham. De problem is that by he own admission, Green Ham ain’t even able wid Sooba action.
So Green Ham end up callin a prayer service to help he wid he action. But when he turn up (wid every ting turn down), that is when de GT people realise is whah kinda action he want.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! In de end, even de other Green complain that no matter how hard she pray, she couldn’ta get Green Ham into any kinda hard action!
September 16, 2014 By
Joe Hardmouth open he hard mouth de other day and start ramblin bout some body cuttin wood in some forest in Guyana. Like he had never realise that this is not only de land of many waters, but also de land of plenty wood.
That was of course after de paper man had tek de same man wood and put it in front of he paper fuh a whole month. Now only yesterday de Bell Crier point out that a lotta people does leap before dem look and talk before dem tink.
Well, it look like it gotta another category, and Hardmouth fall right in de centre. That is, people who does talk and never tink. Most of de times it does be because dem just can’t tink, and people who just can’t tink does end up so because dem just ain’t got brains.
So Hardmouth open he mouth and grumble like a old man, which he is, bout de Forestry Commission. Then he run he mouth bout de Forestry Commissioner. As if that ain’t enuff, he mek he mouth even more hard bout de Minister, all de time babblin like if he is a forest expert.
Well, the tip of de iceberg (not de wood) was when Hardmouth decide to tell some body (he was friken to do it heself) to tell de Minister to tell de Forestry Commissioner that he accept de challenge to a public debate.
But before de debate, Hardmouth seh he want a set of documents to read. Well, some ting got to be wrong right hey. This is a man who done open he hard mouth and talk like a wood expert.
By de time Hardmouth done talk, any body woulda tink he is a expert on Guyana wood from when dem small to when dem get big. Not so. It turn out that Hardmouth want to debate which involve talkin and not demonstrate which involve showin.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! So is now people know that Hardmouth is more of a mouth man than a wood man!
September 14, 2014 By
Old people seh look before yuh leap. That also mean yuh must tink before yuh talk. Or don’t jump into some ting before yuh know bout some ting. But not plenty people does listen to old people in these times.
A lotta people nowadays does leap and then look. Or talk and then tink bout whah dem talk. That is whah happen to Lall Bachan. A long time now, Lall Bachan was nutten even though he had wanna be a lotta tings and wanna be like a lotta people.
Finally, Lall Bachan decide he wanna be a lawyer. So he tek a big leap and turn lawyer. But as usual, Lall Bachan ain’t look before he leap. Now after all dem years Lall Bachan is a lawyer, some how he still wanna be a lawyer. If only he had hear de old people. What a ting!
Green Bridge got de same problem. He start callin some of de companies in Guyana a national disgrace. That is pot tellin de kettle how he bottom black. Or lil pig tellin mammy pig how she mouth long. Or Joe Hardmouth tellin Green Ham how he old and ugly.
If Green Bridge talkin bout disgrace, de first ting he suppose to do was talk bout he own self. Green Bridge was a national disgrace when he was a minister and he tek de whole country and mek it into a international disgrace. What a ting!
Is de same ting wid de paper man who had wanna drive not one but two Lexus, and now tekkin taxi fuh go to wuk since de tax man pull he in. Paper man even paste up sticker to tell people to stop corruption when de very Lexus was sheer corruption.
Now paper man got de guts to seh how people tellin lie pun he when every day is sheer lies in de paper man paper.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! That is like paper man tellin de ice man from Annandale how he thiefin current. What a ting!
September 12, 2014 By
Is every where yuh look yuh seein one problem or another. And these problems is wid some of de major tings that never suppose to have any kinda problems. Not people nor country can function wid these kinda problems.
That is why so mucha people unhappy wid de Guvament and de Opposition fuh one reason or another. In one way, de Guvament is not to be blame, because these problems suppose to get fix by people who gettin pay to fix dem. On de other hand, de Opposition can’t solve de problem even when dem was in power.
In de last few weeks, all yuh hearin bout is pump problems, pole problems, stone problems, and wood problems. One contractor get pay to bring in pumps. De pumps come in and no body can’t see dem, causing people to do dem own pumpin when dem ain’t see no pumps.
And of course, whenever yuh have pump problems, yuh must get water problems. Is usually too much water when it ain’t got no pumps. In as much as no water does be problems, too much water does be more problems.
Only de other day Gee-Pee-Hell had pole problems. Not enuff poles to put in de holes. So dem start lookin outside fuh poles. But that only mek de problem wuss, because once yuh tek some body else pole, that is big problem, especially when is nuff poles yuh start tekkin.
Not too long ago, Minister Benn Down admit he ain’t got no stones leff. De TAG man announce that BK got nuff stones all over and even offer Benn Down to see BK stones. Well, Benn Down ain’t tek de offer, but now BK own wuk men turn round and thief BK stones.
But TAG man insist that BK still got stones. Is no wonder BK start to fly now. It musbe hard to walk wid all dem stones.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, de wood problem aint’ so old. Is just that a man who got no-good wood want some good wood!
September 11, 2014 By
In life, fat talk does got talk back. And knock does got knock back. That is why old people seh “do fuh do nah obeah”. If yuh do a man some ting, expect him to do yuh back some ting. Even women does operate de same way in nuff ways nowadays.
Accordin to science, it gotta equal and opposite reaction to every action. But some times de reaction does be more bad than de action. Well, talkin bout action, it gotta lotta action goin on right now.
Science ain’t reach so far to teach that lash does got backlash, although de whole talk bout lash could mean a lotta different tings. But it got nuff lash and backlash action goin on right now. Some is lash, some is backlash, some is lash back, and some is lash in de back. And this ain’t even got any ting to do wid backtrack.
One paper man does tek he paper and lash every body who he gotta problem wid. Or who ever he ask a favour from and he ain’t get it. A young reporter seh de only kinda lash whah de paper man can do is paper lash.
Any other lash is de paper man gettin lash or some body fuh de paper man gettin lash. Is not plenty people in this life can tek all that lashin. But de reporter seh paper man gotta strong back so he can tek a good lashin, then turn back and leggo a paper lash.
Over de years, paper man get accustom to lashin people front, centre and back in he paper. Half does be lie and de next half does be de opposite of de truth. But yet when another paper dig a lash in de paper man, paper man bawl and seh is sheer lie.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But de Lexus people write down paper man name as family. Yet, one time paper man seh de Lexus people is he friend. Next time paper seh is he family friend. That is sheer lie!
September 11, 2014 By
De fingers and de thumb are useful parts of de human hand, which in turn is a useful part of de human body. But de fingers and de thumb does be used fuh both good tings and bad tings, especially de fingers.
So some people does get thumbs up when dem do good and some people does get a raised up middle finger when dem mess up tings. On de night of de CPL final in Saint Kitts, dem fellas from Barbados and dem officials ain’t behave like saints at all.
That is why dem get a lotta raised middle fingers from de crowd, especially one of dem umpires. And you bet, he is also a Bajan. Word is out a long time now that dem fellas in that sister Caricom country does tek this sister thing literally.
That is why some body seh dem Bajans was so happy after de match. At first people thought it was because de officials cheat fuh mek dem win. Is only later people realise that it had to do more wid de middle fingers whah de crowd give dem.
Well, it look like a paper man in Guyana gettin just like dem Bajans. De paper man get fingered de other day in one duty-free scam, and it look like it was de middle finger because paper man jump up from he seat when de fingerin start up.
But he eventually sit down back and pretend as though nutten never happen. That is how accutom he get to gettin fingered. Now, like jello pun ice cream, de paper man just get fingered yet again in yet another scam.
De paper man own reporter seh that de paper like to get fingered since he was small. And as he get bigger and bigger, it was more and more fingerin from more and more people. Now paper man trying to finger other people.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And Rum Jhaat give Nogel Hugly a middle finger. But it look like Nogel happy wid any one of Rum Jhaat, or fuh that matter, any body finger.
September 8, 2014 By