April 25, 2015

Some cold cases fuh de Pullice

Every body who know de Prezzi know de Prezzi as a good and decent man.  Some seh de Prezzi ain’t gotta bad bone in he body. But de Prezzi mek a bad mistake de other day.

Was a honest mistake though, so not plenty people gon hold it against de Prezzi, except de Pullice, Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man.

De other day de Prezzi was talkin to de Pullice bout Pullice wuk. Now every body who know de Pullice know that when Pullice stop yuh on de road dem does be cold. And is only some ting cold that does get dem to stop bein cold.

Prezzie he self start to talk to de Pullice bout opening some ting cold de other day. Some cold cases. Problem is, as soon as de Prezzie done talk, de Pullice, Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man was lookin out fuh de cold cases.

All of dem fellas was actually waitin fuh de cold cases of beer which dem thought de Prezzi was about to give away. So dem was disappointed with de Prezzie.

Of course, after de Rummie and de Nagga realise that dem totally misinterpret de Prezzi, which ain’t any ting new anyway, dem was so disappointed that both of dem went ahead to Station Street and order dem own cold cases.

Well, that turn out to be another case by itself. At least dem was no longer disappointed by de next mornin! But it had a lotta people who was still disappointed, although dem wasn’t lookin out fuh cold cases of beer.

In fact, some get friken. De same Rum Jhaat fuh instance hopin that de cold case wid him tekkin all de KFC money that come in from New York and Canada gon never get hot. As fuh de Nagga man, he plan to tell de Pullice shut dem so-and-so mouth when dem start to open de cold case with dem people he rob in Berbice.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De Tax Man gon be outta de picture here. So these cold cases might get hot soon!

Share Button

De Mook lash de Tax Man

Word was out de other day that de Mook was back in town and de same day he come back he was givin a strong lashin to all he staff. Now ever since de Mook couldn’t get he own way wid de Guvament, he start to lash Guvament people to get whah ever he want.

Now word was also out that de Mook can only lash wid he tongue. And de Mook don’t ever give a damn bout who wrong and who right. So from Adumb to Harry Wrong to Harry Right, is every body at Saffon Street getta piece of de Mook tongue.

Now Adumb is a man wid a lotta experience. So when ever Adumb talk, yuh know he talkin from experience. And Adumb he self tell a former Prezzi only de other day that de Mook gotta real big tongue, bigger than any ting else whah he got.

Charlie de Ram wasn’t even eaves droppin when he hear Adumb talk bout de Mook tongue. Adumb seh de Mook try give de former Prezzi a real tongue lashin and not even Adumb he self coulda control de Mook tongue.

Adumb seh de Mook tongue is he biggest ASSet, so even a lil lash does feel like a big lash. Is no wonder so many people friken a lash from de Mook. Since he vex wid de Guvament, up to now, when ever de Mook want some ting, he does lash who ever it is supposed to give he.

That is why de last man who getta sound lashin from de Mook was de Tax Man. Was some ting call duty free de Mook had want. So de Mook lash de Tax Man so hard that de Tax Man drop every ting. Since then de Tax Man get weak, he ain’t stand up back yet and word is out he might never stand up again.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! So de Tax Man might end up just like de Mook – a man who could lash only wid he tongue!

Share Button

Peg-Ass man tek de chicken feed money

Old people gotta sayin bout pot callin de kettle bottom black. That is a old sayin, but it does apply even up to today. Plus de good book talk bout tekkin de beam outta yuh own eye before yuh can see clear to tek out de mote outta some body else eye. Wid people like dem, de more dem look, de less dem see.

Nowadays it gotta lotta fair people wid black bottoms around de place. Plus it gotta lotta beams in people eyes. Dr Bheri Bheri might as well send some more young people to Cuba to study how to mek blind people see.

Once dem come back, de Peg-Ass man who does Rob de people Bad gon be a life time patient. Rob is a man who does can’t see past he own eye. But Rob does see good enuff to stock up de chicken feed money fuh he self, Stony and de KFC.

No wonder Guyana always gotta chicken problem. Is because de poor chickens dem not gettin enuff to eat. And is Rob he self cause that. So people got to smuggle in thiefin chicken from Suriname, and last year chicken from de US.

Yet Rob call another man a fraudster. This is de same Rob who couldn’ta find a dime to invest in de best hotel in Guyana, but who suddenly seh he got US$8 million to invest. And Rob can’t even find money to fix de Peg-Ass.

De other problem is that he tell de whole country to collect de money from he lawyer, who happen to be Rum Jhaat. No wonder up to day yuh never see de money and yuh never hear back bout de money. Money is de only ting whah Rum Jhaat can mek disappear faster than a large.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Ask dem Feathers people and ask dem KFC supporters who send money from New York and Canada and dem gon tell yuh how de money disappear. Just like de chicken feed money!

Share Button

Green Jah gotta big talkin problem

Guyana is a country wid people who gotta lotta talks. And wid elections in de air, is every body talkin nowadays. Those who never used to talk, now talkin. And those who used to talk plenty, talkin more plenty now.

Only one Minister in de Guvament who always used to like to talk ain’t talkin these days. At least not on de phone to any Muckraker reporter.

De Pee-P-P was talkin de other day in Berbice. Some people ain’t like de talkin because it expose dem own race talkin. Now de whole of Guyana talkin bout whah dem was talkin. But at least every body talkin bout de same talk.

Before that de APNU + AFC + JPAP + WPA ÷ NIP ÷ HTNP ÷ IP ÷ URP = PNC was talkin at de Peg-Ass. And soon dem gon be talkin in Linden. But de big problem is that dem does never talk de same talk in GT as whah dem does talk in Linden. So dem gotta big talkin problem.

But Green Jah got another big talkin problem. Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man does be talkin a lot over a table in Station Street. So Green Jah worried that dem gon take that same kinda talkin to Linden. If that ever happen, it gon become de new talk of Linden.

De other day, de man who want not one by two Lexus duty free, was talkin. He seh he never do any ting wrong. That is worse than sayin de Devil gon go to heaven when he dead, because first of all de Devil gon never dead, and even if he dead he gon never go to heaven.

De Lexus man talk so much till he start to holler. He holler pun all de reporters then he holler pun all de headitors. When he done, he holler pun poor Adumb.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And some time back he had holler pun de Tax Man. Till today de Tax Man ears ringin wid that hollerin!

Share Button

Freedie gotta smile nowadays

This country gotta bunch of hyprocrites and skalligwags. And in case people fuhget, a hypocrite is some body who does pretend as though dem have principles and virtues and morals and all that kinda ting.

Lalloo fuh instance does talk bout principles and virtues and morals. But if yuh check de car whah he driving and check a court document, yuh gon find another story bout de car and another story bout principles and virtues and morals.

Plenty of dem hypocrites like Lalloo does be church people too. Old people seh that kinda people is two-face people. Dem does be one ting in church and another ting at Seeta’s and 7-owe-4. Well, even some of dem pastors, pandits and majees does get on bad.

Just ask dem folks by de Cathedral and some of dem same lil boys and gyals who does go to church wid de same pastors, pandits and majees. But it got nuff hypocrites in politics too. Dem know when to talk and when to keep dem mouth shut, except Freedie de Man Kisser of course.

When Lil Johnny call out Uncle Rafeel, yuh woulda tink that Red Thread and Burger Smith and every body else outta de country. But when a Minister phone call get tape by a man who want not one but two Lexus duty free, all of dem was back in de country.

When Nagga Man talk bout Indian votes no body ain’t hear any ting. But a former Prezzie talk bout de same ting and some how every body ears suddenly get clean.

When Rum Jhaat was haulin people ass, no body ain’t seh nutten. Nagga was quiet. Joe de Hard Mouth play like he was sleepin. And Green Jah claim he was in Linden tryin to mek up wid de Kiss Woman, who was at de time tryin to beat up a Minister.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But when another man talk bout kick ass, all of dem hear and who hear tell who nah hear. Now de whole country talkin bout ass. No wonder Freedie gotta smile nowadays!

Share Button

After one time is another

Old people seh after one time does be another time. And no matter where yuh go in this world, that is how tings does be. Even in Guyana, people had one time under de Pee-an-See and another time under de Pee-Pee-P. That is why dem ain’t wanna leff de country no more any more.

Long before he pass away, Papa Cheddi at one time used to be able to be able to count on Burnt Ham to do good tings fuh de country. But soon it turn into another story and Papa Cheddi instead had to start countin how many times Burnt Ham rig de elections.

So at one time Burnt Ham was one ting to Papa Cheddi and when another time come, Burnt Ham turn into another ting. Then de Heights Man come and he promise one ting one time and then do another ting another time.

And de people gon never fuhget that, even if dem only hear bout de Pee-an-See from dem mother and father whah used to happen under Burnt Ham and de Heights Man.

Now Green Jah followin in de same foot steps like Burnt Ham and de Heights Man. Green Jah was exercisin pun de road de other day and he ask a man who was also exercisin to vote fuh APNU + AFC + JPAP + WPA ÷ NIP ÷ HTNP ÷ IP ÷ URP = Pee-an-See.

De man look round then turn round and tell Green Jah, “Whether Ah vote fuh de Pee-an-See or not is de same result like all dem years. So after one time is another time. This time Ah ain’t votin fuh yuh.”

Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man does tell de Guvament to be more accountable at one time. But at another time when it come down to accountin fuh money whah people give to de KFC, dem still can’t account fuh nutten.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Freedie de man kisser too does pretend to be one ting when he deh home and another ting when he on se sea wall.

Share Button

Bad eye is never a good ting

Accordin to Freedie de man kisser, overseas people don’t wanna live in Guyana. Accordin to de same Freedie, not even Guyanese wanna live in Guyana. No body know how Freedie know that, but Freedie never do a poll yet, except pun de seawall.

Accordin to a poll, people ain’t trust de Police. According to de same poll, people ain’t trust de Guvament. Accordin to de same poll, despite all of that, people still ain’t wanna leave Guyana, and dem ain’t plannin to leave Guyana.

Clearly, Freedie need a proper poll from de proper people in a proper place. So Bis Ram de poll man might have to help out Freedie get a proper poll that he gon never fuhget. Freedie problem is that he gotta bad eye fuh every ting.

And bad eye is never a good ting. When yuh bad eye whah other people got, yuh does end up with nutten, just like Freedie. Old people call that larwah. And that is whah dem people end up wid who bad eye de Marriott.

When de Marriott project announce, dem seh it gon never go up. De Marriott gone up and lookin good. When de Marriott start up, dem seh it gon never get off de ground. De Marriott get off de ground and pass de Peg-Ass.

Suddenly, Robbin de people Bad seh he got US$8 million to invest in de Marriott. Robbin musbe tink this is a chicken feed hotel like de Peg-Ass. De Marriott about to open and all of a sudden de whole of APNU + AFC want shares.

On de one hand Robbin start to wonder whah gon happen to de Peg-Ass. Now he wanna know how come dem coudn’ta pay fuh de Savannah Suite de other day when dem launch APNU + AFC + JPAP + WPA ÷ NIP ÷ HTNP ÷ IP ÷ URP = 0 de other day.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Is bad eye got dem outside de Marriott and is bad eye got Freedie wid only a seawall poll!

Share Button

Never do bad to people pickney

It never good to do bad tings to people pickney. It does always come back to haunt yuh and mek yuh can’t sleep when night come. And some times de same bad tings does happen back to yuh own pickney when time come.

That is because de bad tings yuh do in life does stay wid yuh fuh a lifetime, and even in de next life. So what goes around does come around.

People used to look out fuh other people pickney just like dem own pickney. Old people coulda holler pun dem, put a couple of lash pun dem back side, tell dem big buddy and big sissy plus dem parents, and then send dem home.

Teachers coulda do that too. Yuh never used to hear bout pickney and dem mother and father beatin up teachers in school like nowadays. Old people seh after one time is another time. That is how times does change.

Even people mouth does change. Who woulda tink that Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man woulda change dem mouth and start to hug up and kiss up Green Jah? Some body seh when Nagga and Green Jah was kissin, Rum Jhaat was dribblin, and it wasn’t football.

Dem people in Berbice waitin fuh Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man though, and dem might try to change dem mouth again. But no matter how much large dem walk wid, it ain’t gon change any ting elections day.

Navin de judge ain’t gon change nutten fuh Auntie Bibi and Uncle Smallie either. Uncle Smallie used to play like he was Daddy Biggie at one time. He was playin father, sweet man and teen man all as one man.

But Uncle Smallie fuhget that only de Almighty can tek life. Now Uncle Smallie and Auntie Bibi gon learn how to live another life fuh de rest of dem life. He shoulda never do bad tings to people pickney.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But then some people like Auntie Bibi does do bad tings to dem own pickney!

Share Button

W-High-C-B payin fuh APNU-AFC campaign

Old people seh don’t trouble trouble till trouble trouble yuh. But it got some trouble that does cause so mucha trouble that yuh does have to trouble it in order to once and for all stop all de trouble.

Cricket is a big trouble in Guyana that causin nuff trouble. Nuff people can’t wait fuh de cricket elections so that de pretenders, de wannabes and de lesbees can go home, stay home, and don’t come back. Only that gon end all de trouble.

People also can’t wait fuh de CPL, because that is de only ting good bout cricket in GT and de whole of de Waste Indies right now that don’t cause any trouble. Thankfully, wid CPL right around de corner, dem ain’t got no trouble.

Hopefully de Sport Minister done sport from de Mash, which cause another set of trouble, and he gon call de elections soon. No name and no warrant, but as soon as dem cricket skalliwags read this, dem gon know people watchin dem, and all de trouble dem causin gon have to stop.

Is de same trouble wid de Waste Indies. A lotta trouble that no body can’t trouble. Big Bird wanna fly in and stop de trouble. But Cam Run and Im Run done run in and cause trouble, even as far as India. Lara shoulda tell Cam Rum he is a larwah and done all de trouble.

Im Run supposed to be doin de Waste Indies cricket wuk in Antigua. He wukkin and gettin pay by de W-High-C-B, but he definitely not wukkin fuh de Waste Indies. Instead, whole day Im Run writin press release fuh APNU-AFC.

Wonder who payin he salary and if Cam Run lookin into that. Is no wonder dem players gettin all that trouble gettin paid. It musbe that de W-High-C-B payin fuh de APNU-AFC campaign if Cam Run still payin Im Run!

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Watch out fuh APNU-AFC trouble and don’t mek Cam Run and Im Run spoil yuh Phagwah! Happy Holi!

Share Button

De Mook give Adumb a long tongue lashin

Most people who know Adumb believe he is a easy goin man. He don’t really trouble no body. He does wuk hard although he gettin on in years and lookin so.

Every body who know Adumb know that he does tell lies fuh a livin. Adumb mek a career, a life time and a livin from lyin. Adumb got de Mook enjoyin livin just by lyin.

Whah people can’t understand is how a man like Adumb could tek so mucha lashin all he life. From Burnt Ham to de Heights Man and now to de Mook. By now Adumb get used to tekkin a good lash.

Burnt Ham and de Heights Man lash Adumb over and over. But de Mook is a warp man, so he does wanna lash Adumb over and under. When yuh lash some body both ways is never a good ting. Dem does feel used and abused.

Ask Lil Johnny and he gon tell yuh every ting bout how he get lash both ways. Uncle Rafeel know too. After all that lashin, Uncle Rafeel use de court to lash Lil Johnny.

At least wid Burnt Ham, Adumb done tek he share of lashin. But Burnt Ham dead and gone. Heights Man never use a whip to lash like Burnt Ham, but Heights Man had a big stick to lash Adumb. Thank God fuh Adumb, Heights Man dead and gone too.

When it come to de Mook, all de lashin gone over every ting and under every ting. Every body who know Adumb seh as big man he should never tek that kinda lashin, especially from de Mook.

A lil gyal who wukkin pun Saffon Street seh even though other people leff de Mook, Adumb gon never leff de Mook. She seh Adumb navel string and some ting below de navel bury deep inside de Mook.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Adumb is no mook, but when de Mook give he a long tongue lashin de other day, he end up feelin worse than a mook!

Share Button