August 22, 2014

Wood still a problem fuh some people

Wood used to be a cheap ting in Guyana long ago. Every where people look dem used to see plenty wood house long ago. But nowadays every body mekkin house wid concrete and steel. And tings wid wood disappearing one by one.

So it look like wood goin to de dogs. No body ain’t wanna build wid wood any more. Plus up to now G-P-Hell still got wood problems. Not too long ago, de See-Hee-Ho seh dem ain’t gettin good wood to use fuh poles. He complain that when de wood poles go in de holes in de ground, dem still don’t stand up straight. No matter how deep is de holes.

Well, when he mek that announcement, people wasn’t sure who or which wood he was talkin bout. Some body seh it mighta been de See-Hee-Ho self. Other people seh dem G-P-Hell wuk men does never get good wood. Some times dem does even have to tie two together to mek one.

But a reporter who does wuk near to a market seh he know fuh sure it musbe a newspaper man. Accordin to de reporter, he know a lotta people who know de same man inside out. Literally and figuratively.

And talkin bout that same man, it got some people who can’t see wood and leff it down. Dem must seh some ting bout any wood whah dem see. Plus tek plenty photos. Then bad talk de wood and de owner.

Well, as old people seh, yuh can please some people some of the time, but yuh can never please all people all de time. That is tru tru story. And that is how yuh does know when people gotta problem wid some ting. Dem does have to open dem mouth and talk nuff bout that same ting.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Is no wonder de same man send five reporter to one press conference just to hear bout wood. That man don’t wanna miss any ting wheh wood concern. One is wood, he want it!

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Joe does talk before he tink

Joe de Hard Mouth fella ain’t only gotta hard mouth. He gotta big mouth too. Very big, if yuh ask dem folks down by Church Street, not too far from de National Library, right wheh people does go and pray. But Hard Mouth does ignore that de name “Church Street” is fuh a reason.

It gotta lotta other words to describe Joe mouth. But it might be a too big mouthful fuh this column alone to print. De Hard Mouth man is always de one who always talkin some ting. Even when he ain’t talkin, some people does seh he talkin.

Not too long ago a reporter expose de whole plot. One newspaper seh Hard Mouth seh and when de reporter call, Hard Mouth seh he never seh. De newspaper man had fuhget to call Hard Mouth ahead of time, or Hard Mouth had fuhget that he was supposed to seh that he seh whah ever de newspaper seh.

It ain’t got no need to even bother to ask whah de newspaper name. If any body wanna hear whah Hard Mouth seh, or what he ain’t seh, just pick up that same paper and it gon seh whah Hard Mouth seh or supposed to seh.

And somehow Hard Mouth can talk bout any ting under de sun. If is finance, Hard Mouth bound to talk. If is roads, Hard Mouth gon seh some ting. If is garbage, Hard Mouth done seh something.

Most people does tink before dem talk, but Hard Mouth is a back to front man, so he does talk then tink. Old people does call that puttin de cart before de horse, although in this case it ain’t got nutten to do wid cart or horse.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all, is only de other day Hard Mouth open he mouth and tek on a challenge to a debate. It was only after that, that he start to beg fuh de relevant information…but long before that he had done come to a conclusion!

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This riggin ting gone very far

When de Pee-N-C party decide to change dem name, de first time dem put on just a “R”. People wasn’t sure why dem do that. At first, dem seh it mean “reform”, but de only ting dem was reformin was how to get re-elected all de time by thiefin de elections from de Pee-P-P and from de people.

But thankfully, eventually every body realise that the “R” was fuh “riggin”, although it was since in Burnt Ham time that de Pee-N-C was involved in big time riggin by diggin. That is, diggin up dead people name and puttin dem pun de voters’ list.

Well, de Heights man come pun de scene, he become a even bigger rigger than Burnt Ham. Leff, right and centre was sheer riggin. In fact, if de Heights man had live a lil longer, wid de rate at which he was goin, de whole of Guyana woulda been votin fuh he.

That is, accordin to de riggin rate whah he had start up wid right after Burnt Ham dead. Some body seh de other day at de Pee-N-C Con Gress that if de Heights man hadn’t join Burnt Ham down below, de voters woulda even out number de whole population by now. That was how high de Heights man coulda reach.

So now here come de Harmy man Green Jah pun de scene. By this time de Pee-N-C was even doin trainin fuh show people how to rig. And Rum Jhaat and de Nagga man was de first two to attend de full programme.

At least Green Jah hands was tied because he coulda never get he hands on de big prize. So he do de next best ting by riggin he own elections and diggin out Linden and Plaisance from de whole ting. Even de wise man Solo man couldn’ta find word fuh describe whah happen.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, wid de CPL final over de weekend, people now wonderin if Green Jah also do any trainin fuh de Bajan vampire who umpire de game. This riggin ting gone very far!

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De Kiss man goin after de Poll man

Some time ago, Freddie de Kiss man had try to kiss somebody at a party. Although he get a hard slap, he still try de same ting again at a s*ity council meetin in GT a while after, and he almost get another hard slap. But that ain’t stop de Kiss man.

As soon as de Pee-P-P had win de election in 1992, he right away start tryin to kiss de new Guvament. He end up gettin thru and start kissin de Nagga man. Well, Nagga had like de kissin, so de two of dem went pun a honey moon. No body sure if de honey run out or if day ketch de moon, but de kissin stop after a while.

Since then, de Kiss man try to kiss a whole long list of people. From de Guvament to de Opposition to plenty of dem in de media…State and private. He try pun some U-Gee students too. One woulda tink de Kiss man had some pride, but he ain’t got no shame. When he get tired kissin he would start lickin.

Now he start talkin bout de New York Poll man poll. And is not by chance that de Poll man is also a ram. But dem is de kinda people and names whah de Kiss man like. Any ting to do with pollin or rammin is right up de Kiss man alley.

De Kiss man never poll any body, but yet he talkin bout de Poll man poll. So de Poll man challenge de Kiss man to show he poll, but de Kiss man ain’t had any poll. De Kiss man admit that he see nuff other poll, but fuh some reason he don’t trust de New York man poll, even though that man poll a lotta people.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Whenever it come to a poll, de Kiss man is a expert wheh he mouth concern. That is why every body who know he, know he as a good Kiss man after all.

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No-confidence motion put people in problems

Ever since de KFC talk bout no confidence, it look like two people start losin confidence. And is not only Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man, although dem got no confidence. Is not even Green Jah and Green Bridge. Dem busy showin each other who more confident to be de leader.

It got another two who deh at a newspaper, one wukkin fuh de other. One gotta wood problem and de other gotta poll problem. De newspaper man start talkin bout other people wood and de Kissman seh de poll man from New York ain’t got no poll to show any body.

Nobody ain’t understand why one man would go after another man wood so hard. He show photos of the man wood. And dem wood was not any ordinary wood. He even rent a plane and fly just to see de man wood. Plus he send people in secret to tek photos of de man wood.

He ain’t bother try to find out how de man come to get all that wood. All it show is that he had wanna talk bout de man wood. A reporter seh he offer de man some sweetie in exchange fuh some wood. But dem kinda wood is expensive wood. And no sweetie nor sweet talk can’t pay fuh proper wood.

De only conclusion is that de newspaper man gotta wood problem. Even a doctor seh so after he see de newspaper man. De problem is that he gotta problem wid anybody who got good wood. It got to be that he self ain’t got good wood, or nobody ain’t wanna see he wood.

A reporter seh de newspaper man shame of he own wood, and people who used to use he wood don’t ever want use it again. That means he wood ain’t gettin any use and old people know that tings whah don’t use fuh long does stop wuk.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And look out tomorrow fuh de Kissman who talkin bout de New York man poll.

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It still got hope fuh de Hopeless Canal

Guyana is a land of many waters, but it is also a land of plenty hope. And right now de Guvament and a Minister gotta lotta hope fuh de Hopeless Canal, which supposed to help solve some water problems in de Hope area.

De Minister just give de Hopeless Canal Project some more hope after bein hopeless fuh a couple of months. Now bear in mind that this was a project that was supposed to bring hope fuh de farmers and hope fuh de residents in all of Hope and even outside of Hope.

Since de project start, de people in that area start gettin hopeful. Dem hope fuh less floodin, dem hope fuh better drainage, and overall dem hope fuh less water pun de land wheh dem live and de land whah dem farmin.

Even de animals had start to get hopeful because de grazin lands woulda stop gettin flood out every time de rain fall, or every time it got high tide at sea, or every time some dam break down in de conservancy.

Now de Minister get hopeful again that de project gone done by September. De other day was August. Then before that was July. A nursery school child can learn de months of de year backward and forward by just followin all de new deadlines fuh de project every year.

So a reporter seh de Minister gotta a lotta hope to believe that de project gone finally be over by the time September come. But de reporter not sure if de Minister mean that September is de new deadline fuh de project or if de project gon be dead by September. Another one seh de project don dead already.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And talkin bout dead, a lotta tings dead or lookin dead these days. De man pun de Essequibo Coast a couple of weeks ago drop he pants and every ting look dead. Rum Jhaat try a similar stunt in a bottom-house rum shop and it look like he dead a long time now.

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Nagga Man and Rum Jhaat talk a piece of dem mind

Old people seh when a man gotta few drinks in he head he does talk a piece of he mind. Or some times he does talk he mind in pieces till he talk out he whole mind. Most times by de time he done, he does fall to pieces and then fall down.

Well, that is whah happen to de Nagga man de other day. A reporter on he day-off, who was not too far from Nagga in one of dem regular Nagga-style bottom house rum shop down de road, see Nagga man tekkin a few – which turn out to be more than just a few within only a few minutes.

But that was early in de day, so de reporter thought it mighta been de Nagga man birthday. When he try to find out from de barman if was Nagga birthday, de barman seh, well if that was so, it mean that de Nagga man got birthday every day.

When Rum Jhaat walk in a few minutes later, de reporter tell he pardna that it definitely musbe Rum Jhaat birthday, because is only when a man celebratin birthday that he does be allowed to do certain tings, like drop he pants and so on.

That is when de reporter and he pardna conclude that this ‘drop-pants’ behaviour is like a KFC party trademark behaviour, given whah de man from Essequibo Coast do de other day right pun de public road fuh all to see.

Just that both Rum Jhaat and de Essequibo man ain’t got nutten much fuh any body see. And as dem talk out dem mind, de Nagga man and Rum Jhaat decide that since de Pee-P-P ain’t had confidence in dem and kick dem out, is time fuh dem to do de same ting back to de Pee-P-P.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And that was how de no-confidence motion was born…right down in a rum shop wid two drunk men.

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De truth does either hurt or mek yuh free

Truth is a strange ting in life. People does call fuh de truth, and every body does wanna know de truth. Plus some times when some people find out de truth, dem does don’t wanna accept de truth. And old people does encourage young people to always tell de truth. But some does be hard ears. And when hard ears people nah hear, dem does have to feel.

But not every body can handle de truth. One big mouth man some time back had leff he wuk place whah deh near to a market to go home. Well, he had hear bout de truth long before and he didn’t believe, but by de time he reach home he see de truth fuh he self.

Now, truth suppose to set people free, accordin to de good book, but that piece of truth ain’t set that man free at all. In fact, de truth is that when he see de other man tekkin a piece, he ain’t been at peace wid anybody since then, and that certainly ain’t mek he free.

De other day de Trot Man try to trot away from de truth, but he couldn’t get very far. Is a long time now he know de truth bout Rum Jhaat and de Cat woman. Well, wid that decision whah he mek, every body now know de truth bout de Trot man. Change is a part of life, but some people life like de Trot man won’t ever change.

De truth also been comin out at de Rodney Commission of Inquiry, and a lotta people ain’t like that piece of truth. So is no wonder de Pee-N-Cee decide that dem ain’t want to approve no more money fuh de inquiry. Is de truth Will Yams runnin from, and this time not even Green Jah can’t save he, because Green Jah runnin too.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But moon does run till day ketch am. Just watch how fast Green Jah gon be runnin! He already runnin from Plaisance and Linden.

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De blind still leadin de blind

Sometimes just when yuh tink yuh see and hear every ting in life, yuh does end up seein or hearin something yuh never thought coulda ever be possible. After all de Green Jah riggin, nobody gon be surprised if CGX give he a contract to find oil in de Corentyne River.

And that can still happen because Green Jah show that he is a bigger rigger than Burnt Ham. But now another Green, this time Green Bridge, callin fuh a Budget Office. And this is a man who couldn’ta even do a budget, much less, run a budget when he was a Minister under Burnt Ham.

Maybe that is why Green Bridge need a Budget Office after all. He desperately need help. A lotta help. Green Bridge woulda been accustomed to de days when de Pee-N-C used to have a budget wid no money, except in Burnt Ham overseas bank account. So there was nutten to run, except run down de country.

But as old people seh, talk is cheap, and Green Bridge does buy plenty whenever any ting cheap. Is dem fellas pun North Road seh so and dem tell a lotta people who know Green Bridge and who know wheh cheap ting does sell.

De other ting everybody woulda tink was a ting of de past is de blind leadin de blind, but not anymore. It got one blind leadin de blind at a newspaper. One does tell de other one whah to write and he does have to write blind.

Well, by de time dem done pay all dem lawyer fees plus libel fees, dem gon have to sell dem mummah and daady house to pay. But then again, de two of dem gon be glad to share one cell together at Camp Street, or better yet Mazaruni, wheh de place does be cold night time.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Another case of de blind leadin de blind is de party whah seh yes to a no-confidence motion whah dem ain’t see yet!

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GT got not wukkin councillors fuh life

A man tell de whole world in a song that he wanna be a billionaire. Well, those who can’t be billionaires does wanna be millionaires at least. And in life, yuh does always find some not wukkin millionaires here and there.

But Guyana got plenty of dem not wukkin millionaires. And dem don’t be ashamed. Most of dem proud of de not wukkin status. And dem even more proud of de millionaire status. On de other hand, it got plenty hard wukkin people who gon never become millionaires. But dem gon still wuk hard.

It got people who does wuk hard every day just to tek care of dem selves and dem family. But on de other hand it got nuff people who don’t turn up to wuk and still expect to get pay. A lotta public servants stay just like that. Instead of wukkin hard, dem hardly wukkin. And it hardly gotta day when dem ain’t want more pay.

Now dem councillors at S*ity Hall is another set of nut wukkin millionaires. Dem is people who don’t turn up to wuk and still wanna get full pay. But is not dem pay alone shoulda get cut. All of dem need to get cut from the payroll. But dem councillors wanna be councillors-fuh- life, and it look like dem wanna get pay fuh life.

De biggest laugh is that de Mayor-fuh-Life fightin fuh dem, but de Mayor-fuh-Life he self don’t do no wuk. If de Mayor-fuh-Life coulda wuk like how he can talk, then GT de garbage town woulda be a clean town. In fact, is time fuh de Sober woman cut more than just de Mayor-fuh-Life gas money. Then right after that, cut de Mayor-fuh-Life from GT altogether.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Now de other set of millionaires is dem MPs who gone and tek three months leave after wukkin fuh less than one month fuh de whole year so far. So if yuh try and can’t be a billionaire, just be a MP!

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