December 21, 2014

Two leadah wanna be on top of crap

Old people does describe some people as havin a hard mouth. Some people ears hard and some people mouth hard. Well, Joe de Hard Mouth does look like he gotta hard mouth and he does talk like he gotta hard mouth.

Once Joe de Hard Mouth open he mouth, de headitor does have to put pen to paper and finger to keyboard. That is when he boss man does have to do wid out de finger fuh a while.

Some times de headitor does get into action even before Joe de Hard Mouth open he mouth. Was only de other day a reporter ketch Joe de Hard Mouth because he didn’t know whah de headitor seh.

So Joe de Hard Mouth end up sayin that he never seh whah de headitor seh that he seh. He had fuhget that he was supposed to seh every ting whah de headitor seh that he seh.

Well now, suddenly Joe de Hard Mouth wanna scrap every ting whah de Guvament doin. Every ting whah can’t “salvage” is whah he gon “scrap”, is whah he seh de other day.

Problem is, this is a man who is already scrap material and now he wanna scrap tings whah de Guvament doin. That’s a lotta crap from a man who accustom to crap all he life. Is no wonder de does talk so mucha crap in de crappy paper.

Right now Green Jah musbe studyin whah to do wid this Joe de Hard Mouth crap and all de crap bout KFC/Pee-an-See/APANU/W-Pee-Hay gettin together. When combine, Rum Jhaat crap, Green Jah crap and Poop Narine crap is a big loada crap.

GT gotta a lotta crap, and de Mayor-Fuh-Life accustom to a lotta crap, but not even he gon be able to handle that amounta crap.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! That gon be a lotta crap at one time in one big pile if ever all that crap come together. And both Rum Jhaat and Green Jah wanna be on top of all that crap!

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Nobody followin de leadah

  Wid elections comin up soon, every body want a followin to follow de leadah. In other words, every body want people behind dem. And that is because every body want to be a leadah. Even de paper man wanna be a leadah.  De other day, Rum Jhaat had want some body behind he wid a good whip. That is because Rum Jhaat love a good whippin from behind. He behind had get a good whippin in de last two elections. Plus he behind had getta another good whippin when he had get kick in he butt outta de Pee-P-P.  Cling Tongue wanna be a leadah a long time now too. Ever since he couldn’t a mek it to be de Pee-S-C leadah, he always in sum ting else wid people behind he. So whether is Blue Caps or lil gyals, he fightin to be leadah. De problem is that Cling Tonque can’t lead no body, except lead a bowl of soup to a table. When people idle is a terrible ting. That is why old people seh a idle mind is a terrible mind. And a terrible mind is a terrible ting to have. Five old man ain’t had nutten to do de other day. So dem end up linin up pun de road wid some paper in dem hand. De only problem was that dem was also lookin to get people behind dem. But to deh behind Lalloo, de paper man and de Man Kissser is a terrible ting. Green Jah is another one who want people behind he. Green Jah tryin real hard to be a leadah, because that is whah he does call he self. But these days, not even he own party people seein he as de leadah. So not even dem deh behind he. Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie!  Well, as fuh de Thomas man, he even had to change de place fuh people to be behind he. De people who suppose to show up behind he ain’t show up fuh nutten. And dem who show up was hidin dem face!

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Doubtin Thomas and doubtful Thomas

De Good Book had a man name Thomas in de New Testament. Well, Thomas was a reasonably decent man. He was de kinda man who nowadays people woulda seh: “he not too bad”. Or as old people woulda seh: “he don’t trouble no body”.

Thomas in nowadays time woulda be de opposite of Lalloo and Cling Tongue. No body can ever describe Lalloo as a man who don’t trouble no body. Because he trouble even he own family. And he trouble dem real bad.

Like Lalloo, Cling Tongue is another one who no body can never seh don’t trouble no body. Cling Tongue does trouble a lotta dem lil gyal around de Town. Word is that de tongue does cause some of de trouble and cling on strong.

So strong that he does take long to realise that he wrong. And by de time he realise that he wrong, he does quickly tell dem lil gyals: “so long”. Hopefully, Lalloo and Cling Tongue can learn some ting from Thomas in de Good Book.

Thomas only problem was that he hadda doubtin problem. Thomas was a man who used to doubt every ting whah he hear and doubt every ting whah he see. So when Thomas hear people sayin that de Good Man had raise from de dead, he doubt that too.

So Thomas tell de people he had to see de Good Man to believe that he raise from de dead. Well, suddenly one day de Good Man appear, that is, acccordin to the Good Book. But Thomas doubt that too and seh he had to touch.

Well, Guyana gotta Thomas now and he gotta doubtin problem too. But de problem ain’t that he doubtin people. Thomas problem is that people doubtin he.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And right now this Thomas fella so doubtful that people ain’t got no doubt that every ting whah he seh is very doubtful.

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Nagga does hear whah no body else can’t hear

After all de confusion bout pole sharin by G-Pee-Hell and G-Tea-an-Tea, one man gone and get de shock of he life pun a G-Pee-Hell pole. Thank God fuh de young man, it look as if he okay fuh now. Old people does seh all’s well that ends well.
Hopefully G-Pee-Hell gon look after de man, although dem don’t look after no body. Even a union get chase out de other day, so imagine whah does happen to de wuk men. Dindhaal was ready to blame G-Tea-an-T, but he suddenly realise that dem R-Kay phones don’t wuk wid current, or in fact dem don’t wuk at all in most places.
Nuff man does wanna talk bout pole, but this was one pole Dindhaal wish he didn’t know any ting bout. Is when he try to pull a fast one pun he boss man Brass Man, he realise that he had to back track and tek blame fuh de pole.
Well, talk bout boss man and back track, Rum Jhaat been all de way to he home county to collect a so-called award fuh he boss man. Well, is not technically he boss man, but whenever that boss man seh jump, Rum Jhaat does have to ask how high.
And this Rum Jhaat is a man who had wanna be de Prezzi fuh this country. Well, at least he try a ting and he realise he ain’t fit a ting at de last elections. Now fuh de next elections he tryin a different ting wid a different ting, which is de Nagga ting.
Nagga was de man who seh de late Prezzi Cheddi had tell he before he dead that de next Prezzi supposed to be he…that is, de Nagga Man. Apparently, only de Nagga Man hear that ting whah he claim Prezzi Cheddi tell he.
It mean that de Nagga ting got to have some real big ears to hear whah no body else hear.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie!  That musbe de reason Prezzi give he a name in Berbice! Is de ears!

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Freedie love a freebie

Every body who know Freedie de man kisser know that Freedie like free tings. Not only free books from de U-Gee library and all de way from Canada whah he used to thief. But any where he go, he like to get free tings.

Once Freedie de man kisser write bout havin dinner or lunch wid someone, is more than likely de other person pay de bill. Freedie always never got money, or he fuhget he money in he car, or he gone to de washroom when de bill reach de table.

Freedie mek fight in a suit store fuh free suit. Freedie mek fight in a pizza place fuh free pizza. Freedie mek fight in a hardware store de other day just to pass out wid some ting free. Thank God fuh security or Freedie woulda get away scot free. Again!

Freedie only hear that G-Pee-Hell and G-Tea-an-Tea sharin poles de other day and Freedie went early morning to line up at G-Pee-Hell. Freedie thought dem was sharin OUT poles. He wasn’t sure whah kinda poles, but he still show up. After all, Freedie like any kinda pole.

Freedie got de guts (wid no b*lls) to bad talk people who show up at a supermarket to get 10 per cent discount. At least dem people pay fuh whah ever dem had in dem basket at de end of all de shoppin.

That is some ting whah Freedie not accustom to. And Freedie just don’t wanna admit that he was also headin to the 10 per cent discount, but is because he couldn’ta finda park, he get vex and drive away. And that was de next day column.

De bottom line is that once any body seh freebie, there will be also be Freedie. De problem wid that bottom line is that it ain’t got no bottom just like how it ain’t got no limit to Freedie not havin any shame.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! All who got shops, look out fuh Freedie. He gon show up fuh a freebie any time soon.

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De Transparency people ain’t transparent

Old people does always seh that no body should ever ask some body to do some ting whah no body else wanna do. In other words, every body must be willin to do whah ever dem happen to ask some body else to do.

But that don’t always happen in this land of many waters. In fact, talking bout water, that kinda advice is like water pun duck back fuh nuff nuff people. When all is said and done, some body always lookin to pass on some ting fuh some body else to do when dem don’t wanna do that ting in de first place.

De Transparency people was lookin fuh people de other day to join dem pun some kinda march. Well, is every body march away from that march. And is simply because de Transparency people want people to be transparent when they dem selves not transparent. But even though dem not transparent, every body can see right though dem from inside out and outside in.

Hanand who used to be Hauditor General and is a general crook when it come to not being transparent, since from de days of de Pee-an-See. That is why Hanand had to march away from de Transparency march long before de march. Is because dem same tax people who cut down de paper man to size, was ready to cut down Hanand to size. And that might still happen.

Rum Jhaat and de whole of de KFC is another setta crooks who ain’t doin whah dem asking people to do. Rum Jhaat want de Guvament to be accountable, but yet de KFC never produce no financial statement and dem not accountable at dem own Con Vention.

But although Rum Jhaat not transparent, another KFCite who does help collect KFC money seh he does see right through de Rummie from de time de money land in de land of many waters.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De same KFCite seh all de KFC financial statement is de same as Rum Jhaat bank statement! What a statement!

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G-Pee-Hell and G-Tea-an-Tea sharin poles

De truth finally come to light. Is only now people finally understand why dem gettin so mucha problems wid dem lights and why dem gettin so mucha problems wid dem phones. Is every day blackout deh some where. And is every day some body phone stop wukkin some where.
And de phone problems ain’t got nutten to do wid dem bogus cell phones whah dem cell phone companies sellin, like that one pun Sherriff Street. Neither de light problems ain’t got nutten to do wid dem cheap lights whah sellin out pun de pave in Regent Street.
It had to tek two big companies to admit that dem gotta big problem before de Guyanese people coulda know whah really goin on. Wish dem politicians could be like that. Dem two companies tekka long time, but at least dem finally admit whah Gee-Come ain’t wanna admit. And that is, that dem just ain’t ready yet, as old people does seh.
If Gee-Come could come straight wid de people and admit that dem ain’t ready fuh de people vote, de Prezzi woulda prorogue Cabinet instead of Parliament. And every body woulda be happy because Cabinet doin more damage than Parliament.
But Gee-Come ain’t stay like G-Pee-Hell and G-Tea-an-Tea. Indeed, dem two been tryin hard fuh a long time to stand up straight and come straight wid dem customers. But at least dem finally come straight that dem both got pole problems at de same time.
That is why Dindhaal gon be usin R-Kay pole when de light pole own ain’t wukkin, and R-Kay gon be usin Dindhaal pole when de phone pole ain’t wukkin. Both of dem gon have to mark dem own poles well to mek sure one don’t thief de other one pole.
Hopefully none of de poles gon get too mucha overload and fall down, because that is a common ting nowadays with a lotta people poles, like de paper man.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, at least Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man claim that dem ready fuh de big poll!

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De Yard Man abandon he own crowd

These days every body lookin fuh a crowd. Christmas comin up so all de shop owners want a crowd. Even de pavement vendors want a crowd. And de only Sober Woman in de S*ity Council tryin to keep out Green and he unruly crowd from messin wid she crowd.

Some does rent a crowd to go court like a newspaper man. Some want a crowd to follow dem like Green Jah. Some want a young crowd (and young gyal) to deh behind dem all ovah like Cling Tongue.

Some want a crowd to simply deh wid dem like Bencock. And of course it got some who just hidin in a crowd like Ruehell (someone said Rushell?). Some always leavin one crowd fuh another crowd like Yu-Stuff, de Region Six fella.

Sharma de Shorty want a crowd fuh de elections, but he scorn de KFC/Pee-an-See/HAP-NU crowd. And it got some who tryin hard to belong to a crowd like Poop Narine, although no crowd ain’t want he around.

Alexis de More belong to a different kinda crowd, so de Chancellor send he deh to spend some time wid he own crowd. Winstone de More was lookin to getta crowd against de former Prezzi, but he end up messin wid de wrong crowd at de N-Bee-Ace.

Rum Jhaat already admit that he want a crowd behind he, wid some body in de crowd havin a good whip. De Nagga Man was lookin to help Rum Jhaat get a crowd, but he ain’t gotta whip, or he whip just don’t wuk.

Then both Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man start to look in de wrong crowd all de way in Berbice fuh a crowd. In all that time, dem only manage to find one man in de whole crowd and that was Samad de Nomad. And of course Samad de Nomad can never keep a crowd because he could never stick to one place and one crowd.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! As fuh de Yard Man, don’t even ask he, because he abandon he own crowd!

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Rum Jhaat want people behind he

A long time now, when Rum Jhaat was lil Jhaat, he had tell de people wheh he grow up in Number 47 Village that he like to be first in every ting whah he do. Rum Jhaat mudda and fadda had know that and all he neighbours in de village had know that long before he coulda put on he own bukta.

So every time dem lil boys and lil gyurls used to line up to go in dem class in school, lil Jhaat used to wanna be in front. Every time it had a line any where, and in dem Pee-n-See days it used to have a lotta lines, lil Jhaat had to be in front.

At least lil Jhaat had tell every body de truth. Some body seh that is de only truth whah he ever tell when he was lil Jhaat. Now that lil Jhaat grow up big and turn Rum Jhaat, he still stay de same way – never tellin de truth and always wanna be first in every ting.

Indeed, Rum Jhaat was first to get vex when he didn’t get to be Pee-P-P Prezzi. Then he was first to get kick out from de Pee-P-P ahead of Nagga Man and de other rummie Rumkarran. Just before he get kick out from de Pee-P-P, he was de first to run to de Embassy.

Rum Jhaat is de first to collect de outtaway money whah does come fuh de KFC party, fuh which he still can’t give account. Is no wonder he was de first to con every body at de Con-Vention.

He even seh he wanna be first in fronta Green Jah and in fronta de whole of de Pee-n-See fuh de elections. And now he also want some body to getta good whip to crack pun he back.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Is now every body realise that Rum Jhaat don’t really like to be in front. He just like a lotta people behind he, and one of dem must have a whip. A good whip!

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Rum Jhaat want a good whip fuh he back

A long time now, de Pee-P-P people had know that Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man is two strange people. And this strangeness ain’t even got any ting to do wid how dem look, how much rum dem does walk wid in dem lawyer bags, or whah does come out dem mouth.

Fuh de Nagga Man to have de guts (although he gotta lot) to stand up in Parliament and tell de whole House and de whole nation that he tell he grandson to “shut yuh so-and-so mouth”, every body know right away that is a man wid no class.

In fact, one Parliamentarian who does sit down near to de Nagga Man does use another word that rhyme wid “class” to describe Nagga behaviour. And although it related to “crass”, it ain’t that.

Well, that Parliamentarian got to be right, because de Prezzi had use a word in Berbice that mean de same ting to describe de Nagga Man. One big people might be wrong some of the time, but fuh two big people to be wrong on de same matter at de same time bout de same man is unlikely.

Rum Jhaat, of course, is a different kettle of fish altogether. And de fish part ain’t got any ting to do wid de shape of he mouth when he talkin. And nowadays he talkin bout sheer crack and back and a good whip.

Every body at de KFC Con-Vention leff wid dem mouth open when Rum Jhaat tell dem to getta good whip and crack it pun he back. Now Rum Jhaat does look stupiddy most of de times as a lawyer when he deh in court. But he ain’t look stupiddy when he start talkin bout bout de crack and de back plus a good whip at de Con-Vention.

Right away one man get up and seh he goin fuh de whip.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And de Con-Vention end right deh when Rum Jhaat tell he, “Ah comin wid yuh”.

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