October 31, 2014

Whah ever happen wid Joe and de debate?

A long time now Joe de Hardmouth man had open he mouth and call fuh a debate. Well, he had choose de wrong limb to climb up on.

Even dem old monkeys whah leff in de zoo does know which limb to climb up on.

But not in de case of Joe de Hardmouth. Joe more old than dem monkeys, but old people seh age is a ting whah suppose to mek yuh wiser and smarter.

And all dem old monkeys in de zoo smarter now than when dem was younger.

However, in de case of Joe de Hardmouth, it ain’t look like he gettin smarter wid age.

So Joe de Hardmouth choose a man who know every ting bout trees and limbs and branches to debate bout trees and limbs and branches.

And then Joe de Hardmouth had want de debate to tek place in a place whah got nuff trees and limbs and branches fuh de Pee-N-See.

Just that Joe de Hardmouth ain’t even realise that Green Jah cuttin down all of dem Pee-N-See trees and limbs and branches leff, right, and centre.

If yuh doubt that ask de kiss woman and de Plaisance man who Green Jah kick out from de Pee-N-See just because of Oscar de bite man.

In de case of Joe de Hardmouth, it look like age mek he more stupiddy, just like some people who do illegal phone tappin, then run to de Police wid a lawyer, who supposed to know that de ting is illegal in de first place.

But not in de case of Rum Jhaat. Yuh never know whah he know from whah he ain’t know.

In fact, he lucky de Pullice ain’t ketch he and he phone tappin pardna and lock both of dem up at de same time in de same place.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But then dem mighta like that, knowin dem is bamzee and po!

Share Button

Every body want MP wuk

A man who does deh by de pavement next to de Parliament Building seh dem MPs got de laziest wuk, but is still de best wuk in Guyana. He seh dem MPs does get a lotta pay to wuk, and even when dem don’t do a lotta wuk, dem does still get pay.

De pavement man seh dem MPs does wuk once a month some times, and then tek two months holiday every year away from de wuk. Plus in between, some of dem does still get away from de wuk. So de man wanna know whah kinda wuk is MP wuk.

Dem MPs like de wuk because dem does wuk even less than de Public Service wuk, which is all pay and no wuk. And Public Servants like it so all day, till next day. That is why in Guyana, Public is de opposite of Service. So de Public can never get Service from de Public Service.

As fuh de duty-free part of de MP wuk, at least dem MPs ain’t have to go all de way to Berbice to find any old people. That is why since one man get ketch wid he pants and every ting else down, he also want MP wuk.

Dem MPs even get a extended holiday wid no wuk. Dem close fuh two months and now another month gone and still no wuk. That is why every body want MP wuk.

Lalloo want MP wuk. De man kisser want MP wuk. Dem even cuss de Guvament because dem ain’t get MP wuk, as if it was de Guvament which had to put dem in a party, then turn round and vote fuh dem to get MP wuk.

De man kisser had want MP wuk long before he used to cock UG wuk. And now Poop-ert vex that he gon soon lose he MP wuk, because Green Jah plan to knock he off from de APNU wuk.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And WPA ain’t got no wuk. Especially since Poop-ert try to block de Rodney COI wuk.

Share Button

Peter ain’t deny, but Ron runnin

Old people seh it got some tings whah even a blind man can see, except David Blind of course. De ting bout David Blind is that some times he don’t see at all, some times he does only see half of whah he supposed to see, and now people realise he does some times see doubles.

David Blind does only see half way when he reading de fallin paper and de stabber paper. But he does see doubles when he readin de Times paper. And he don’t see a ting when a certain set of people attackin another set of certain people. That is certainly when David Blind does turn blind.

Old people also seh it got some tings whah even a deaf man can hear. All dem people who don’t hear good done hear that de Speaker, who is Uncle Rafeel, ain’t got de power to re-convene the House.

But Lalloo and M&Maxwell got hard ears, so dem ain’t hear that. Or dem hear, but dem play dem ain’t hear. That mean yuh can never be sure when dem hear from when dem don’t hear, or whah dem hear and whah dem ain’t hear.

None of dem ain’t hear when de lil boy call Uncle Rafeel name. Yet, all of dem hear when a big man start bawlin after he get ketch red handed. And de more de big man bawl is de more dem bawl too. It look like dem prefer big man than lil boy, unlike Uncle Rafeel.

And talkin bout lil boy, some body seh Ron play both blind and deaf when de lil boy come out wid he story. And it look like he get dumb too, because day after day pass and he ain’t seh nutten.

Ron run and sign a paper wid UNICEF to protect lil boys and lil gyurls. Yet, de more de lil boy talk is de more Ron run. Good ting Peter Hugh gotta huge heart and he ain’t blind, deaf or dumb like Ron.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Although one Peter deny Christ, this Peter ain’t deny de lil boy rights!

Share Button

David Blind gotta eye problem

De Festival of Lights come and gone and it supposed to bring wid it a lotta light and tek away a lotta darkness. But it look like is only some people who get some of de light and de rest of dem leff in de darkness.

David Blind not only leff in de darkness, but he beginnin to sound and look exactly how he last name spell. Although every body know that Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man is two blind mice leadin one another, yuh can never be sure wid David Blind.

A big eye doctor seh that is partly because David Blind does see whah he wanna see and then turn blind when he don’t wanna see. Or, according to de eye doctor, it could be that only one eye blind, so he does only see outta de other eye.

That mean if David Blind right eye blind, he can only see tings from he leff side, and if he leff eye blind, he can only see tings from he right side. Either way, according to de eye doctor, he only seein one side of every ting whah he see.

Or it could also be that David Blind does keep he eye half shut when he sleepin and half open when he wake up. Either way, according to de eye doctor, David Blind gon only see half of whah he supposed to see. And yuh not sure if he seein de bigger half or de smaller half, or back front, side, top or bottom.

Yet another eye problem wid David Blind, according to de eye doctor, could be that he born wid cock-eye. In that case, every ting gon look screwed up. And looking screwed up ain’t got nutten to do wid Rum Jhaat face in this case.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! After all that diagnosis, de eye doctor conclusion is that whah ever is de problem wid David Blind eye, he definitely don’t see tings de right way. And it ain’t got no spectacle fuh that kinda eye problem!

Share Button

Pullin out is big problem

De whole of Waste Indies cricket deh in problems right now since dem fellas decide to pull out from India. Is not often that cricketers does pull out from any ting so easy when dem gettin pay.

If any ting, dem does wanna stay in too long, but in de wrong tings.

Chanderpaul is de only one who does stay in fuh very long and de fans does still like he when he deh in. And now at 40 years old, Chanderpaul still deh in and de fans still don’t want he to pull out.

WICB tink Chanderpaul can’t bang de ball so dem pull he out from de One Day team. But a lotta people tink dem should put he in back, because dem other fellas don’t ever last fuh long.

Even Gayle don’t last fuh long and when he in de middle some bowler does pull he out. And dem other fellas does keep goin in and comin out too fast. After all, Chanderpaul born in a fishin village, so no body understand why de WICB tink de man ain’t able.

Now it look like de ICC gon pull out from de WICB just like how de GCB pull out Sarwan from de Guyana team and can’t find no body like he to put back in.

Dem pull out a fella from Barbados and every body know whah dem Bajans like when it come to pullin out and puttin in. It musbe some body at de GCB who like whah dem Bajans like.

These days, one big man beggin another big man name Sattaur to pull out and beggin he not to ever come back in. It look like de big man had never know that it woulda get so painful wid de big Sattaur in fuh so long. Now is every day he bawlin, “Ow Sattaur”.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And all de time Rum Jhaat was happy when Green Jah was in. But since Green Jah pull out from Rum Jhaat, it causin big problem.

Share Button

Right time fuh de Festival of Lights

A lotta darkness deh right now in Guyana, so de Festival of Lights couldn’ta come at a better time. Even though G-Pee-Hell does always promise more lights, it still gotta lotta people who deh in a lotta darkness who need a lotta light.

And since G-Pee-Hell givin more darkness than light, is every body lookin forward fuh some ting to light up dem life in one way or another. Some people does find bhai friend, some people does find gyal friend, and some does find both, just to light up dem life.

Yuh just have to mek sure is not some body else bhai friend or gyal friend lightin up yuh life. Otherwise dem might end up tekkin all de light outta yuh life. And yuh might never see de light again.

Right now it look like KFC got three old blind mice who don’t see de light and dem ain want people see de light. Rum Jhaat and de Nagga Man don’t even see de light of day.

And where yuh can’t see any light, it can only be total darkness. And both of dem in total darkness bout when Parliament should reconvene. So wid dem eyes wide shut, mouth open big and dem announce a wrong date.

But that is a normal ting when one blind man leadin another blind man. It gon always be total darkness. And talkin bout total darkness, another KFCite hopin to keep people in total darkness.

Uncle Rafeel move to de court to keep people in de dark just because he wanna hide whah he was doin in de dark. De Welsh Man tryin to help he see de light, but it look like Uncle Rafeel accustom to de dark and like de dark.

And yet another KFCite NoGel Hugly was tryin to keep people in de dark bout de money he was gettin from Sight Global. So thank de almighty that whah ever is done in de dark does come to light.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! So is de right time to celebrate de Festival of Lights. Happy Diwali.

Share Button

These musbe de last days

Desperate people does do desperate tings in life to survive. Soon dem does don’t know wheh to turn, and when desperate people don’t know wheh to turn, dem does start to lash out at every ting whah dem see or whah dem can touch. It does even be wuss than when a woman find she man wid another man.

Dem does even lash out at tings whah dem ain’t even know bout and dem imagination does start to run wild. So in dem sleep, dem does start to dream and tink is reality. And in dem wake, dem does mek up tings and then convince dem self that whah ever dem mek up is tru tru story.

And that is how some people behavin these days in this great land of de Mazaruni and Lot 12 Camp Street, which does come right after de GT Magistrates’ Courts, even if yuh turn up wid eight old lawyers, wanna be lawyers or half lawyers, all of whom are liars.

A preacher was preachin in a chuch de other day and he tell de people loud and clear that these are de last days. Well, that preacher deserve a lotta blessins. So he should fuhget he tithe fuh this month and next month, and buy some ting fuh he self, because he right on de ball bout de last days.

That is, assumin he does give tithes because yuh never know de truth wid dem chuch people nowadays. After all, Uncle Rafeel and Bencock is chuch men and yuh never know if tithe money does turn hush money.

So just like how dem evil people who does hide in de chuch system friken de last days, it got people outside de chuch system who friken de last days more than de chuch people. And is simply because if de chuch people gon get fire and brimstone fuh de evil whah dem do, guess whah de people outside de chuch gon get.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! If yuh ain’t sure, just keep checkin Mazaruni and Lot 12!

Share Button

Keep lookin out fuh de fringes

Old people seh when yuh live in a glass house yuh musn’t pelt people pun de road. Old people also seh that knock got knock back. Plus old people seh when yuh do evil tings, yuh musbe ready fuh de consequences.

These days it gotta lotta people who ain’t ready to face de consequences of de evil tings whah dem doin. Whah is de most hutful part is that some of de evildoers ain’t even know whah de consequences gon be yet.

But whole country done know that it gon have consequences. And that dem kinda consequences does be both severe and several. ‘Severe’ meaning that it ain’t gon be easy and ‘several’ meaning de number of years.

And de ‘years’ part is whah got dem losin sleep over, even though dem drinkin sleepin tablet and runnin to read other people paper early morning. As old people also seh, whah miss yuh nah go pass yuh.

A man de other day thief in Better Hope. He run away to Plaisance hopin fuh better. But de Pullice had better hope than he, so when dem ketch he, dem throw he in de only place whah was better fuh he at Sparendaam. Now he beggin fuh better and he hopin fuh better. But he bound to get some better years.

It got people who miss a lotta years in de past. Dem miss it by de skin of dem teeth, but teeth don’t keep that kinda skin fuh long. Is simply because whah ever is done in secret does come to light some day. And whah ever is done outta Guyana does still come back to Guyana.

It also got some people who does like to call people all kinda names and use all kinda words to describe other people. But when dem get back word in dem a**, dem does can’t tek it. Mosta dem is on de fringe and behavin like dem on de fringe, but when yuh call dem fringe dem vex.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Just keep lookin out fuh de fringes!

Share Button

Lalloo tink he is a big boy now

Since Lalloo getta lil lawyer wuk, he tink he is big boy. Well, he is a old boy a long time now, but he tink he a big boy wheh de lawyer wuk concern. He never used to get any lawyer wuk and he had seh he woulda do all he lawyer wuk fuh free.

But even then he still never used to get any wuk. Well, now that he getta lil bit lawyer wuk wid some other old boys, he actually tink he can lime wid dem big lawyer boys who is real big lawyers.

In de fuss place, Lalloo used to tink that because he coulda tell a good lie, that woulda mek he into a good lawyer. He tek long to realise that all lawyers does be good liars, but that ain’t mean that all liars can be good lawyers.

Indeed, when yuh talk bout lyin, Lalloo way up deh among de top liars. Lalloo does mek “King Liar” look like stupidness. People does tink Lalloo stupiddy, and most of de times dem right, but not wheh lyin concern. And that ain’t no lie.

Well, talk bout liars and lawyers, eight lawyers turn up to represent one man de other day. It could be a sign that is how much that one man friken jail. Somebody seh he like whah he gon get in jail, but he just don’t want it in jail.

And to tink that none of dem eight lawyers turn up fuh a lil boy who was beggin fuh a lawyer to fight another lawyer, who look like a liar, is a clear indication of de art of lyin as a lawyer. Lalloo ain’t reach that stage, but Ron done run past that stage.

As soon as de lil boy talk out he mind, Ron had start to run from de Bar. But when a real lawyer who name Peter Hugh tek up de matter, suddenly Ron run back and seh he coulda tek de wuk.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Talk bout another King Liar!

Share Button

Uncle Rafeel got a lot to cover up

People does use plaster to cover a sore. But is still a sore. Even when de sore heal up, de mark does still leff. In fact, it does stay deh fuh life pun some people. And especially when de sore big, it does be hard to cover up.

And talkin bout cover up, it got plenty people wid sore in Guyana which can never cover up. Nuff a dem is sore fuh life. No matter how much plaster yuh put pun dem, dem gon still be sore fuh life. But de plaster does tek plenty different form to cover up.

Some does write letter to de press to cover up. Some does go on Tee-Vee to cover up. Some does write columns to cover up. Plus getta article in de same newspaper on de same day on de same topic to cover up. If yuh doubt call Hannah at de Stabber.

One of dem try a gag order de other day to cover up. He name Uncle Rafeel. He been tryin to cover up a long time. Even when people tell Uncle Rafeel to look after he sore, he ain’t tek dem on to cover up.

Yet Uncle Rafeel turn round and blame dem to cover up. Was then when de lil boy turn round and seh Uncle Rafeel like this turn round ting a long time now. It musbe that Uncle Rafeel ain’t got any feelins even though de sore still deh bout.

He only had feelins when he used to tek money and buy plenty nice tings. That was another plaster whah he try a long time now to cover up. But plaster does only last fuh a certain time. That is why old people seh yuh can fool people some of de time, but not all people all of de time.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Another man wid plenty sore tryin to cover up. He tink he got plaster fuh every sore. From front page comment to front page photo. That’s a lotta cover up. But is also a lotta sore to cover up!

Share Button