April 24, 2014

Some people can’t get some people outta dem mind

In life, it got nuff people who like to aspire and achieve, and that is a very good ting. But while some wanna achieve by good means, some does choose to do all kinda scampish tings. In Guyana, yuh don’t have to go too far to see somma dem who involve in some kinda skulduggery. Dem all round de place walkin bout like normal people.

Some does tek bribe like dem pullice, some does put cocaine in mail bag like de one at Gee-R-A, and some don’t pay taxes like de one pun Waterloo and de other one by a market on de road. Some does snitch pun dem friends and some does cut up and fix back pumpkins night time, especially in moonlight. Some doin backtrack and some in duty-free scam.

Well, once yuh tink bout backtrack and duty free, de same names whah come to yuh mind is de same names whah de Bell Crier know. And when some people guilty of some ting, dem does be de fuss fuh talk bout that ting in de hope of mekkin people tink that dem would never get involve in de ting whah dem talkin bout.

It got one who got a mud paper. But is really de man who is de owner who is de one that got de mud in he head. From de way he does behave, it look like de mud mix wid som a that ting whah does end up in dem Gee-W-High big pipes whah dem runnin right now in GT that causin all de traffic jams. And these ain’t water pipes!

He is a man who vex like how woman does get vex because he ain’t get whah he want from de guvament when a certain Prezzi was in office. Now he can’t get that Prezzi name outta he mind. Just ask de house slave.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And fuh sure, when he done read this, he gon call de house slave to write some ting fuh tomorrow. So look out fuh de name again

Roy tink he got enuff stone to be a king

Long ago, it had nuff kings and queens. Even till now it still got somma dem around. If yuh go to England, yuh must wanna see wheh de Queen live. Never mind she ain’t gon come out to see any body who go to see she. It also got kings and queens in Africa and Europe. And in a card game, yuh must deal wid a King and a Queen.

Right hey in Guyana, dem mini-bus and taxi drivers does be kings of de road, especially when dem pullice lookin fuh green towels. Then as soon as yuh come into GT from de East Bank of de mighty Demerara River, it gotta man who does play a mighty king pun a street by a market. This so-called wannabe king gotta house slave.

That is de kinda house slave any body would want, king or not, because he does bow down and seh yes all de time. Is a long time he learn that, going back to de days when he used to con people at de Congress Place and de Conicle paper. Now is fuh de con king who tink he is King Kong. Looks, indeed!

Another fella in GT tink is a king. He is man who write off people tax and who appoint heself to high office. He behavin like Rum Jhaat who tink he is Prezzi or Pee-M. At least Rum Jhaat does look de part wid de ‘Pee’, but de ‘M’ gon never be. Just ask dem ladies at de cricket club by de sea wall bout de ‘Pee’.

Roy musbe tink he got enuff stone to be a king so he can do whah ever he want in de s*ity council. All that is stone whah de Hammer Man seh de country ain’t got, and whah B-Kay seh he got fuh de Hammer Man.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Roy gon soon be lookin fuh he stone. As fuh de Mayor-fuh-life, he still lookin fuh gas right now to drive round GT!

Dem pullice gon look fuh a Easter raise

Easter deh in de air and every ting raisin up sky high. Jesus he self raise up from de Earth and he gone back up sky high. Costa livin goin up sky high. And de budget was goin up sky high before it get knock down.

Today, we got kites raisin up in de sky. Of course, as de kites raise up, de alcohol level does also raise up. After that some body gon raise up to fight, some body gon want a raise to go home, and somebody else gon want a raise to buy a drink.

Dem MPs does be doin a different kinda raise in Parliament. Dem does raise dem voice like if dem ain’t got no PA system.

 De other day, de Sharma Man try to raise up. But when he raise up, no body raise up wid he. That is when he raise up and walk out. He gon never raise up again. Then de Kneel Koomar fella try to raise up against de Times paper and he friends dem had to pull he down.

Adumb on de other hand butterin up Boss Man fuh a raise. Well, Boss Man don’t give raise so easy. Every time de Boss Man mek Adumb write bout a former Prezzi, Adumb does feel that is when he should ask fuh de raise. Adumb know de Boss Man like when certain people name appear in de mud paper.

As fuh de Boss Man, he can only give a raise in pay. Some body seh de Boss Man can’t raise up any other way and that other people does have to raise up fuh he. Adumb does raise up fuh he in de mud paper, and other people does raise up in other places.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! In de end, every body gon have a Happy Easter as de kites raise up. But watch out fuh de pullice, because dem gon look fuh a Easter raise too. And de pullice raise don’t be no small raise on holidays!

Good Friday is a good day to be good

Today is Good Friday, and this is a good day to be good and do good. Every day suppose to be a good day to be good. De Christians does go to church. Dem does remember de Saviour who save dem from wotlessness.

De people on Earth was so bad that de Saviour had to come all de way to Earth to save dem. Dem still didn’t change so he fly back to Heaven. No wonder it hard to find plenty good people nowadays. Dem in de minority like de guvament.

Good people becomin an endangered species. Today, it got some people who gon get save and it got some who gon only wait fuh church time done. That is when lawlessness does start. It gon turn to another ‘rum till I die’ day. De rum shops does cooperate and do business over de gate.

Good Friday or not, some people all year round is sheer badness. It become a parta dem life. Old people does call dem “bad-minded” people. Dem spiteful and jealous of people who better than dem. De Bell Crier ain’t call no name, but some names done come to mind. Just watch de names whah does always apppear in Adumb columns.

De Opposition got a lotta people like that. De budget debate expose all a dem. All who hate de Amerindians get expose. And that is all a dem in de Opposition. De guvament got some too. Dem hate the indigenous people and does treat dem like outcast.

Even when de Amerindians come to GT to protest, Green Jah and Rum Jhaat bring dem own people. Then dem cut de budget and tek bread and butter from de Amerindians. Now Rum Jhaat change he mouth in de Stabber after he done stab the Amerindians.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, rum is like bread and butter fuh Rum Jhaat. One of these days some body gon tek way Rum Jhaat rum and he gon know how dem Amerindians feel. Even de Saviour gon have a hard time to save Rum Jhaat soul!

A big, old rat deh in GT, and it ain’t a woman

GT de garbage town ain’t get that name by accident. It ain’t happen overnight either. One problem cause another one. A pile a garbage build up to another one. One plastic bag lead to another one. One block up drain lead to another one.

One bruk down garbage truck end up bein two bruk down garbage truck till dem run outta garbage truck. One councillor thief money and it end up bein more than half a dem thief money. One pavement vendor end up bein de whole pavement full up wid street vendors.

One Treasurer come after another, but all a dem thief whah ever dem see in de Treasury. One Engineer come after another and none a dem see that de S*ity Council buildin fallin down. It tek a man from Grenada to tell dem. One Town Clerk come after another till at last dem find a Sober woman.

But de one and only who come, stay and never allow any body fuh come after he is de Mayor-fuh-Life. Green Ham believe he born to be Mayor and that he gon dead as a Mayor. De Mayor-fuh-Life never wanna see another Mayor.

Green Ham used to tink he born to be de PM fuh this country and that he gon dead as de Prezzi fuh this country. But that turn out to be none of de above, although he still holdin on like how de Mook does hold on to he pumpkin Adumb.

Now de Mayor-fuh-Life turn round and cuss down de Sober woman and call she a rat. But Green Ham fuhget that he can’t live wid out de rat. He dead in he boots, as old people seh. Now he beggin fuh de same rat.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But talkin bout rat, that is a creature whah doe live in garbage. And since Green Ham turn Mayor-fuh-Life, garbage tek over GT. So de biggest rat in town musbe de Mayor-fuh-Life. Talk bout puttin yuh kaka pun some body in fronta dem face!

Rohee had to put Green Jah in he place

Every time some ting bad happen, is then some body does suddenly get a bright idea. Usually is dem politicians, and especially when dem deh in Parliament. None a dem does tink of any ting to prevent whah could happen. Every body does react after de fact.

One man get kidnap and Green Jah wanna get a special unit to handle kidnappin. This is a old soldier who ain’t even know a unit done deh in place. Rohee had to put Green Jah in he place. Only God in heaven know how a man like this could wanna be de Prezzi.

Harding seh de police rape he wid a baton. Only God in heaven know how that coulda happen. Musbe de baton was small or de other ting was big. And NoGel Hughly still ain’t produce de medical from Jamaica. When de story buss out, Green Jah call fuh commission of inquiry.

Green Jah call fuh another inquiry over some kinda crime spree. But Green Jah limit de time to a certain period. Green Jah musbe smart fuh some people some of de time, but he ain’t smart fuh all people all de time. Only God in heaven know why Green Jah wanna limit de time.

De problem is that Green Jah only want inquiry whah suit he. But every time he realise that de commission gon expose he party wotlessness, he does back off quick. De Linden Commission of Inquiry was one example.

Green Jah and he people call fuh it and dem bawl fuh it till dem get it. Dem even choose de people who dem want fuh it. When Green Jah realise that de findins expose he and he party, dem start to back out. Only God in heaven know whah dem had expect to find out when dem know dem was wrong.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De same ting happen wid de Rodney inquiry. Green Jah name might get call. So he ain’t want de inquiry no more. But who de cap fit gon have to wear it.

Linden gettin pole from Green Jah

Pollin goin on in India right now. Pollin in India does tek a whole five weeks fuh 814 million people. That’s a whole lotta pollin. And 100 million people pollin fuh de first time. That’s a whole lotta people who never get a chance to poll.

De last pollin in Guyana was 2011 and it got a next couple a years before pollin start again. But in de meantime, some people gettin sheer pole before de time reach fuh that poll. De Naga Man and Hard Mouth try to pole de sugar workers, but de workers come from Berbice till to GT to pole dem back. De Naga Man badly want de sugar workers poll.

Linden people gettin sheer pole from Green Jah and de whole a de Pee-N-C, and de people ain’t even know it. Fuh any body not to even know when dem getting pole mean that dem been gettin pole from a long time. And who to blame but Green Jah, Green Bridge and de rest.

Right now Adumb tekkin sheer pole from de Boss Man because de Boss Man wanna look good and sound good to try out de next poll. Even Sleepin Tom look like he tekkin pole from de Boss Man. Last year, he had to call Boss Man de Man of de Year before he get pay fuh Christmas. That sound like a whole year with de Boss Man pole.

Adumb was bare face de other day and seh he never tek pole from Burnt Ham and de Heights Man, and that he was a professional when he was at de guvament news paper. Adumb even blame he former Pee-N-C pardna Nasty Mento fuh tekkin pole pun de Marriott.

It look like Adumb had to be gettin pole when he mek that statement. That mek he a professional wheh tekkin pole concern. He musbe mekkin more pole money than dem people down de road by Church Street.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, pole and hole does go together, and every body know by now which part is Adumb.

More actin in de s*ity council, but not pun de garbage

De more a actor can act like he not actin when he actin, is de better de actor he can become. And Guyana got nuff people actin fuh a long time. Some does act like dem good till people find out that is only de actin that good.

De biggest setta actin goin on right in de House. De Opposition actin like dem is de guvament. And de Speaker actin like he bigger than de Constitution. Green Jah actin like he is de Prezzi and Green Bridge actin like de Finance Minister, which gon never happen again in this country.

Some people does end up actin fuh dem whole life and only when dem ready to retire dem does get a chance to stop actin. Brum Hell was one a dem. De Hen was another one. But de Chancellor and de CJ look like dem gon act all dem life just because Green Jah actin up every time de subject come up.

Green Ham does be actin like if he is a good mayor, but he still not a good actor and he still not a good mayor. De other Green does be actin like she does wuk hard. But that woman does hardly wuk, and that ain’t no actin.

Roy Stone does be actin as if he enjoyin de Pee-R-O wuk. But is only de other day people realise that he don’t like de Pee-R-O wuk. He like some body else wuk, so he file a lawsuit after he find out that he was second best, although he tink he is de best. But not even de court can mek he de best.

Then de guvament seh dem didn’t want Carol Sober to be actin, so dem mek she stop actin. Now de CJ gone and mek she have to start actin again. That is more actin in de s*ity council. Just that nobody still ain’t actin pun de garbage.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De Nagga Man was actin like if he like dem sugar workers de other day. Well, dem show he good and proper that dem wasn’t actin!

Camp and Quamina junction is like a race course

Guyana is a free country. But bein a free country ain’t mean that every ting is a free fuh all and that any body can do any ting dem wanna do. Nuff people does behave like that though.

When yuh look at somma dem taxi and mini bus drivers drive yuh does tink dem own de road, and nuff a dem don’t even own de car or de mini bus whah dem drivin. That is why dem does drive de vehicles like that. Dem ain’t own nutten.

Right hey in fronta de Bell Crier eye pun Camp and Quamina Street is like a daily Formula One race course. Just yesterday a innocent man and he daughter end up in de hospital with de kinda speedin that does go on. Is a pity nutten don’t ever happen to de drivers.

Is funny how de traffic pullice never find de time to come at this junction. But dem does find dem selves at all de junctions whah already got traffic lights instead. And some times four a dem does find dem selves at one junction.

Every mornin, midday and afternoon, dem flockin only dem Camp Street junctions which got traffic lights that wukkin good. De Bell Crier not sure if is de gaffin or de traffic whah does mek dem flock together like that.

It got two a dem does be standin up doin nutten by de old funeral parlour near Camp and Lamaha. Is no wonder dem choose deh because dem always lookin like walkin dead. It musbe that dem countin the amounta vehicles whah dem can collect a small piece from.

Just that nowadays dem pullice small piece don’t be small any more since guvament bring out de new greenies. That is when dem eyes does light up. Any ting other than a greenie is a whitey in de form of a ticket.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, nobody wishin de pullice bad, but de Bell Crier always wanna know how come dem don’t ever get knock down, even when dem in plain clothes!

War goin on all over like Bob Marley seh

This country is one people, one nation and one destiny. One fuh all and all fuh one is whah old people does seh. But that ain’t happenin at all these days. Some body always at war with some body and as Bob Marley seh every where is war.

De Opposition at war wid de Guvament over de budget. Every day is a war in Parliament. De other day Mannish Chand been at war wid de Sharma Man. Some body seh dem still at war because he tink de Minister was accusin he of doin some ting whah he know he cyan’t even do.

A setta men pass de other day in a minibus and start a war wid de people dem by de Cathedral. Dem is people who does never be at war wid any body. All de people does do is spread de love as one people, one nation and one destiny. And whah better place to choose than near de Cathedral.

Well, Rum Jhaat barely miss gettin caught in de war that night because he had just been deh to spread de love. While he was spreadin de love, de Thunderbolt man was at war wid de whole KFC party. In any case, de KFC party always at war wid some ting or some body. Even Rum Jhaat at war wid No Gel Hughly to see who gon run de party.

Now a man pun de East Coast had a war in he house and light up he self right pun de scene wid kerosene. Same night a woman all de way in de interior start a war wid she own niece over de same man who both a dem want. It must be that de man misunderstand this ‘one people’ ting.

Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De Mayor-fuh-Life and de Town Clerk at war. Roy Stone at war wid a Minister because he want de Town Clerk wuk. If de job was Tongue Clerk, Roy Stone woulda get that hands down because every ting pun Roy Stone does be down!