March 7, 2014 By
March 7, 2014 By
De pullice pull a man in Essequibo before de court fuh assaultin another pullice. That’s how pullice does pick up fuh pullice. Now de man is a rice farmer who does wuk hard, unlike nuff pullicemen and pullicewomen who don’t do nutten fuh de whole day, fuh de whole week, fuh de whole month, fuh de whole year.
That is why some a dem promotions in de pullice farce does tek so long. And nuff a dem pullice does end up actin fuh a long time in whah ever position dem get, especially dem top cops. By de time dem get confirm, is time fuh dem retire. Is simply because de pullice does be actin like dem wukkin. De only time pullice don’t be actin is when dem tekkin a bribe. That is fuh real.
Whether de man in Essequibo was right or wrang, de court gon decide that. But de problem is wid de pullice. De pullice does call fuh dem mattie pullice to back dem up, but de ordinary man in de street ain’t got no body to call fuh back up. If de man in de street call any body, it gon gotta be de pullice too.
But as old people seh, that is like puttin cat to watch milk. Or rat to watch cheese. Or Mook Lall to watch de U.S. border. Or Adumb to watch food or write de truth. Or de Mayor-fuh-Life to fetch away de thrash from GT de garbage town. De pullice gon definitely need more pullice to pullice de pullice.
Is no wonder some a dem pullice believe dem can do any ting, anywhere, any how, to any body at anytime. But dem reporters who de pullice harass ain’t tekkin it so. De top cop gon have to come down and explain whah really goin on in de pullice farce!
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! That is de only way de top cop gon be able to prove that at least he not a farce within de whole pullice farce.
March 6, 2014 By
Some people just like to be in every ting. Dem is pot salt, accordin to old people. Dem love to be in de eyes of de public. Dem like deh in newspaper and deh pun t-vee and radio. De Cee-Hen-S man used to like put he face pun he own t-vee station. People get fed up seein he in real life. Then dem get fed up seein he pun t-vee too.
Now Son-Son tek over, although if was radio alone yuh woulda never know is a son-son. But that is nutten new nowadays. Just listen to some a dem boys who does dress like boys and who seh dem is boys talk and yuh gon know right away whah goin. Nutten ain’t wrong wid whah goin on, is just that some tings does happen in de dark, like de man who does pick pumpkins night time.
Good ting de good book seh whah ever is done in dark does come to light. And de good book mean that no matter how it dark, it gon still come to light – even if is moon light – just like how de pumpkin man get ketch. De secret whah every body know is who he get ketch wid.
Well, de pumpkin man also happen to be a mud paper man. And that mud paper man does instruct de headitor fuh write and talk good tings bout he. Plus publish he photos. Even Sleeping Tom does deh under instructions, and sometimes under de instructor.
It got another man who like to protest all alone so that he alone gon be in the photos in de mud paper. If ever it had a man who like to be on t-vee, believe it or leave it, Ben Cup is de man. De Kiss Man used to join up wid he a lotta times, because he also want de same ting whah Ben Cup want.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! That is why dem end up fightin wid one another. And it wasn’t fuh publicity and kissin alone!
March 3, 2014 By
Guyanese love dem cricket. Dem lil bhai and lil gyal used to learn to play bat and ball in de street. But bat and ball coulda play any where, even inside yuh mummah and daady house. Any piece of wood coulda be a bat and any ting round coulda be a ball. And any piece of any ting or nutten coulda be a wicket.
These days, no body sure if Guyana still got cricket, or ball and bat, or cricket in de jungle. That is why Dave Martins sing that song not too long ago. He know that all dem fellas at all dem cricket boards in Guyana woulda prefer de jungle style of cricket a long time before he sing that song.
After all, Guyana is a land of jungles. Just ask de Mayor-fuh-Life and de Pee-R-O to give yuh a tour of Jungle Hall and Jungle Town. De Pee-R-O, of course, can only ECHO whah de Mayor-fuh-Life want he fuh seh.
As fuh cricket in de jungle, every ting comin to pass like prophecy. Right now is sheer bush growin pun de roof of a cricket buildin in de Essequibo. Now, how all that bush growin pun all that zinc whah deh so high is another question.
Is either de bush in Essequibo can grow any where, or de zinc in Essequibo more fertile than de land whah GuySuCo usin to plant cane. Or it could also be that so much mud deh in de cricket board that it now reach de roof.
Dem fellas who runnin cricket in de Cinderella County can plant bush more than whah dem can run cricket, unless dem runnin cricket outta de county. GuySuCo can’t complainin bout workers. Just give dem cricket board fellas in Essequibo de wuk and problem solve. Dem could mek any ting grow any where.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Well, dem cricket fellas in de Gee-C-B ain’t deh too far behind. Right now dem plantin sheer bush in Woolford Avenue, and dem start a long time ago pun de Bourda ground!
February 28, 2014 By
Some people hard to please. And some people never happy. Old people does call people like that vex mouth. Nowadays de whole face does look vex. Most times when yuh look at vex mouth people, yuh does know dem right away.
Even when vex mouth people smile and laugh, dem mouth does still look vex. People does tink twice before dem seh any ting in front of vex mouth people. That is because vex mouth people does snap and strike just like rattlesnake.
No body can’t please Rum Jhaat and Green Bridge. Dem is two vex mouth people, although is hard to seh who look more vex mouth than who. Dem vex mouth in Parliament, dem vex mouth in de committee, and dem vex mouth wid de guvament.
Dem even vex mouth wid de Cee-FAT-Fella who come and tell why dem shouldn’t look so vex. But de Cee-FAT-Fella gone back wheh he come from, and dem same two still look vex mouth. Parliament got two big rattlesnake. Every body seh is Rum Jhaat and Green Bridge. Dem does coil up and wait fuh strike.
De only place Rum Jhaat mouth don’t look vex is at 7-owe-4. Vex mouth does turn to smile as soon as Rum Jhaat see dem bottles. Even before he order, Rum Jhaat does be smilin. And from there on de smile does get bigger and bigger.
De people who know Rum Jhaat know he still vex, although he does be smilin. Is not many people around who does be vex and still smile at de same time. But once Rum Jhaat bottles deh, de smile deh right deh.
Mook Lall gotta vex mouth too. He does look like he vex and talk like he vex. When people happy, de Mook vex. When people sad, de Mook still vex. When people feel good, de Mook vex. When people feel sick, de Mook still vex.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Right now, de Mook blue vex. Just ask Farzy and ask Hard Mouth. If only Hard Mouth had seh yes to Farzy, de Mook woulda never be so vex!
February 28, 2014 By
De headitor used to have to seh whah Burnt Ham want he fuh seh. De same headitor had to start sayin whah de Heights Man want he fuh seh. In dem times, de guvament does never have any ting fuh seh. So de headitor does have to find some ting fuh seh, and he used to mek up whah ever he used to seh.
Old people seh de more tings change is de more dem remain de same. And people seh old people don’t tell lie, because indeed de more de headitor get old is de more he stay de same. Now de headitor does have to seh whah Mook Lall seh.
But de Mook does stammer before he can seh whah ever he have to seh, except when he was beggin to get back he visa. So fuh de Mook to seh whah he want de headitor fuh seh is always tough fuh de Mook to seh.
And that is not whah people alone seh. That is whah de headitor self seh. And that is whah a reporter who leff de Mook and seh de Mook beg he fuh go back seh. And that is no he seh, she seh and dem seh. That is whah de facts seh.
And de facts ketch all of dem lyin both wid whah dem seh and wid whah dem seh dem never seh. De headitor seh that Mook Lall seh that Harmon seh whah de Kocheur News seh bout whah INews seh.
But Fareeza seh that INews never seh whah Kocheur News seh that Harmon seh. And Harmon seh that he never seh whah de Kocheur News seh that he seh. But de headitor seh that de Mook seh that he could seh whah Harmon never seh.
Finally, Robert seh that he does never tell Fareeza and INews whah fuh seh, and Fareeza seh she only seh whah people pun de road seh. And again, de Kocheur News get ketch sayin whah no body never seh.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And de A-Gee seh that he had only want fuh hear whah de other driver had to seh. But de driver only seh three million and de A-Gee didn’t want fuh hear any ting more whah he had to seh.
February 27, 2014 By
Accordin to de good book, when God mek man and woman, He mek dem in He own image. In Guyana, it got nuff people who mek in de image of other people. Some in looks. Some in words. Some in deeds. One does be God and de other does be man, woman, or in-between. Whah ever de God seh goes.
Before de Mook, de headitor had nuff gods. One was Burnt Ham. Another was de Heights Man. From since Burnt Ham days, de headitor does have to bow down to he God. Every body know that de headitor God is now de Mook.
De Mook tell people that de headitor know good how to bow down. De Mook seh wid he own mouth that de headitor like bow down and stay down. Until he ready to bow down again. Only de Mook and de headitor know whah ever that mean.
Roy Stone God is de Mayor-fuh-Life. Whah is true in de good book is true fuh Roy Stone and Green Ham. One in de image of de other. Roy Stone wanna be Town Clerk. De amount of talk Roy Stone got in he mouth, he is already Tongue Clerk.
Any ting de Mayor-fuh-Life do, Roy Stone does have to praise it. Never mind de whole s*ity deh under garbage. After all, de Mayor-fuh-Life is Roy Stone God. And no local guvament elections can change that.
Roy Stone even gone to court to knock off Carol Sober, who is de real Town Clerk. Now de Stone Man claimin that de Sober Woman ain’t qualified, and that he qualified. And Roy Stone claim to be a communication man.
Is only de real God in heaven gone be able to explain how a communication man, who can only communicate fuh de Mayor-fuh-Life, qualify to be Town Clerk! And even God might get a hard time explainin that.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But whah is much easier to explain is how a Tongue Clerk and a Mayor-fuh-Life got de whole of GT under garbage!
February 24, 2014 By
Guyana gotta history of mashin up every ting since de days of Burnt Ham. In dem not so long time days, Burnt Ham mash up de guvament and he mash up de people. He had try to mash up de Pee-P-P- too. When that didn’t happen, Burnt Ham mash up all de elections so that he coulda stay in power to mash up whah ever was still leff to mash up.
So de mash up mentality deh round a long time now. Burnt Ham mash up de railway and bring in Tata buses. Tata buses get mash up. Burnt Ham bring in school buses to fetch dem school pickney. School buses get mash up too.
Now de pullice tek a cue from that and dem mashin up all de brand new vehicles whah dem get. Dem so accustom to mashin that dem mash a fella all de way near de hairport and then mash another fella and mek he jump up high.
Even whah suppose to be Republic Day get mash up. Nowadays every body just wanna mash up pun Republic Day. So de real reason fuh Mash Day get mash up. No wonder people wake up this morning and find every ting mash down.
Green Ham look mash up and de whole of GT de garbage town look mash down. But Green Ham look mash up a long time now, ever since de Heights Man mash he down. De only ting ain’t mash down is de garbage. Instead, that buildin up.
De Cee-FAT-Fella come and mash up Green Bridge and Rum Jhaat. Dem was de two who was mashin up from Harry Wrang to Harry Right bout some kinda money bill. That is why de Cee-FAT-Fella come in de Mash season.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! Even Gayle come back from injury and get mash up again. Then Hire Land come and mash up de Waste Indies, but Waste Indies mash dem back. Now de U-19 team get mash up. And de Women’s team get mash up too!
February 21, 2014 By
Most people does have a plan most of de time. Some people does plan to do good and some people does plan to do evil. From de time lil pickney get big, dem does plan. Dem does plan whah dem gon become, whah dem gon do in life, wheh dem gon live, and even who dem gon marry.
Plus, it got some mummah and daady who does plan fuh dem pickney. Dem does plan from de day dem pickney born to de day dem gon dead, as if dem done know who gon dead first. And pickney better not fuhget that plan, otherwise is big rigmarole bout de plan.
Even de guvament gotta plan. Right now dem plannin de budget. But de bigger plan whah dem wukkin on is how dem gon pass de budget. That is because de opposition got a plan too. Green Jah, Green Bridge, Will Yams, and Rum Jhaat done plan to cut de budget. Even de Speaker does speak like he got de same plan.
And talkin bout Rum Jhaat, wid that plan in mind, Rum Jhaat had done plan to buy a scissors to cut de budget. But de See-J end up cuttin down Rum Jhaat plan to size. After that, Rum Jhaat end up wid another plan.
Rum Jhaat like de new plan more because it done wukkin out better. De plan is to go to 7-Owe-4 seven days a week from seven o’ clock in de afternoon to four o’ clock in de mornin. That was why Rum Jhaat plan was not to go to any anti-money launderin meetin, much less budget meetin.
According to Rum Jhaat, he done budget enough fuh 7-Owe-4 and that is de only budget meetin whah he like. And Rum Jhaat ain’t plan to cut that 7-Owe-4 budget any time soon. If any ting, that budget gon increase wid every bottle.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! No Gel had a plan too. But he plan was to thief footage from de police, bribe a juror, tek Site Global money, and tek way a school buildin!
February 21, 2014 By