December 7, 2013 By
December 5, 2013 By
Old people seh when yuh stupid and dotish, yuh stupid and dotish fuh life. Nutten can’t cure that. Old people seh hard ears got cure, but not hard head. A good doctor seh hard head is a chronic sickness. When lil pickey grow up rude and stubborn and behave like dem hard ears, dem mummah and daady does deal wid dem and dem does learn de right way. But not when dem head hard.
Well, whah old people and de doctor seh is true, true story. This country got nuff hard head people and dem know nutten can cure dem from dem hard headitis. Is no wonder dem ain’t want de Specialty Hospital – dem know it can’t help dem. In fact, is only a hammer can cure hard head. A hammer can cure hard head people and send dem straight to de one above.
Is hard head whah got Rum Jhaat and Nagga Man de donkey man so bad. Mouth does start movin wid out brain. Is de same ting got Green Ham and Green Bridge talkin nutten wid sense. Well, as fuh Ram Bow and de other Ram, aka Lalloo, who does ram one another, dem got acute hard head syndrome. It look like as other tings get soft, dem head does get more hard.
De head of de hard head club is Mook Lall…it ain’t got no body else better than he to head de hard head club. De hard head Mook got all dem boys who seh dem is boys under he in de hard head club, and de hard headitor is he deputy.
One of dem reporters who does wuk pun Saffon Street, right wheh de Mook ain’t pay de city council rates and taxes whah he owe, seh de headitor used to try to soften de Mook head a long time now. But it never wuk because de Mook head like brick and can even bruk a hammer.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! It turn out that de headitor head end up gettin hard, and some ting else get soft fuh de Mook.
December 4, 2013 By
A big problem wid some people is that dem does get bitter and jealous when dem can’t get dem hands pun tings whah other people got, or do whah other people can do. Dem does spend dem whole life watchin people, wantin tings whah belong to other people, and wantin to do tings whah other people doin.
Old people call it bad eye. Mahendra Ramkellawan call it “dem a watch meh”. Whatever name people call it, it ain’t got cure. De bad eye does only get badder, especially when people ain’t tekkin dem on. Dem bad eye de former prezzy, but de former prezzy busy doin big tings here and overseas, and he ain’t got time to even hear whah dem sayin. That does mek dem bad eye people burn. No matter whah bad eye people do, dem can’t get better than de people who dem bad eye.
Thief man does thief because dem bad eyein whah other people got. Even when dem come outta jail, dem does thief again and end up in de jail again. Wid bad eye people, dem mind does be in jail. Dem walkin free, but dem in prison. Bob Marley call it “mental slavery”. When yuh mind in prison, is a more terrible ting than when yuh body in prison.
Mook Lall is a man who can’t get certain people outta he mind. But no matter how hard he try, he can’t be like dem. He bad eye lead to bad mind, and he bad mind lead to bad talk. But just like bad eye ain’t got cure, mookness ain’t got cure either. A mook does be a mook fuh life.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! So is a soup drinker, which is whah Mook Lall headitor is. And dem boys who seh dem is boys seh soup is not de only ting de headitor drinkin! After all, de only ting worse than bein a mook fuh life is wukkin fuh a mook fuh life!
December 2, 2013 By
De more yuh hear de mayor-fuh-life Green Ham mouth, is de more problems in de s*ity. De people by de big market decide to help clean up de road and de drains, but de mayor-fuh-life was no where to be seen. De deputy mayor Green Case was also no where to be seen. Even de actin town clerk Carol Sober was not around. Maybe she wasn’t too sober after all that day.
Between de deputy and de sheriff – which is whah de mayor-fuh-life seem to wanna be – yuh hearin dem mouth more than de politicians these days. De politicians don’t even talk so much in and outta Parliament. And dem does get paid according to how much dem talk. That is why Rum Jhaat, Nagga Man de donkey, Green Jah and Jokey Harmon can’t keep dem mouth shut. Rum Sammy look like he on that list too, wid all dem wrong weather reports.
De mayor-fuh-life musta been pressin he green shirt and polishin he kickers to go one of dem places wheh he does go steady, albeit in de official capacity of mayor-fuh-life. No wonder he don’t get time to pick up de garbage in de s*ity. Or to even help dem people who helpin out. And Green Case musta been tryin on one of she frock to go church and fool people that she gotta got a godly heart.
De other day a mayor in Canada get ketch smokin drugs and he nearly lose he wuk. That is how tings does happen in nuff other countries. If yuh can’t do de wuk, yuh does have to leave de wuk. Is either de bosses gon fire yuh or yuh have to resign. But GT de garbage town got a mayor-fuh-life who ain’t goin no where. He ain’t doin de wuk and he ain’t resignin. And de guvament nor de council can’t even fire he.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! De mayor-fuh-life navel string bury right at de s*ity council. Not even de garbage whah he don’t collect could cover he up. And not even de flood de other day couldn’t mek he float away.
December 1, 2013 By
No matter how much people tell de mayor-fuh-life Green Ham that he is de cause of de problems in GT de garbage town, he ain’t tekkin that. No matter how much advice he get from people, he ain’t tekkin that either. De only ting Green Ham tekkin these days is whah dem boys who seh dem is boys does give he. And de chief of dem is Mook Lall. That is who givin de mayor-fuh-life advice and a lotta other tings whah dem boys know bout.
When a Mook could be de boss or de chief fuh any body, yuh know that is blind leadin de blind, aka dotish leadin de paglee. De Mook got two of dem under tight control. Well, may not be tight any more, but control fuh sure. Dem is de mayor-fuh-life and de headitor.
People know a long time that Green Ham ain’t got plenty brains and that he head hard since de PEE-N-SEE days when he was a big one. De whole Guyana know he was and still is a fool, but he was still a big one. But is now people findin out that is not only de mayor-fuh-life head hard. He ears also hard. Old people does call it hard of hearin.
De whole GT flood out and de mayor-fuh-life in front of a mic blamin guvament and blamin people fuh de garbage instead of comin out to clean up some kokers and drains. So when every body got on long boots, de mayor deh in he green shirt and kickers.
Now de Met Office gettin dotish like de mayor-fuh-life. When dem tell people rain gon fall, is no rain. When dem don’t tell people rain gon fall, then is plenty rain. Christmas comin up and Link Show does be till in the New Year. But people want to know if Robbin Robinson bring forward Link Show to Christmas because de Met Office already performin.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! It musbe that de mayor-fuh-life and de Met Office tekkin advice from de Mook! Just when people used to tink was GT alone in trouble, now is de whole country!
November 30, 2013 By
News does travel fast. When people know some ting, dem does tell dem friends and dem family. Then dem does tell dem neighbour. Then de neighbour does tell dem own friends and family. And de story does continue like that. De whole world does end up knowin. That is why de good book seh whah ever is done in de dark does come out in de light.
That is how people end up knowing that dem boys is not boys. It only tek one of dem boys to talk bout whah dem does do when all dem boys together. It turn out now that every body know that dem boys does only play boys and dress like boys. Old people call it “mouth open, story jump out”. Deep down in dem heart and soul, dem wish dem was some body else, and wish dem had some ting else, and wish fuh nuff of some ting.
That is why de group wid dem boys who seh dem is boys gettin bigger and bigger. De Mook and de headitor is just two of of dem. It got two Rams in Ram Bow and Lalloo Ram; two Rums in Rum Jhaat and Rum Karran; three Greens in Green Ham, Green Jah and Green Bridge; and so on, too many to name all. It also gotta group in New York. So dem boys really expandin wid a “s” in front of de “expandin”. But every ting bout dem boys come to light, just like every ting else.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! And Mook Lall does pick pumpkins at night. But it come to light. Mook Lall promise to pay dem reporters to seh that dem ain’t friken he kill dem. It come to light. De Mook ain’t pay dem yet, but he promise dem wuk. It come to light. De Mook run from de country as soon a man get he dead pun Main Street. It come to light. But up to now, is only de police mouth stitch up.
November 29, 2013 By
Is a terrible ting when people don’t know whah other people tink bout dem. Is a even more terrible ting when people don’t know whah other people know bout dem. De bright people does call that lack of self-awareness. In other words, dem not aware of whah other people tink and know bout dem. But de real name fuh that is stupiddy, paglee, and dotish.
Dem boys who seh dem is boys and does dress like boys don’t know that people know dem is not boys. But after all, ignorance is bliss. So dem struttin about de place wid dem head high up and dem tail higher up. And when tail up, bamzee does be expose. But dem boys like that kinda exposure, especially in this kinda weather.
Lalloo Lallbachand tail was up de other day when de Stabber pay he to tell people that Guyana name ain’t deh pun de blacklist. And when Lalloo tail up, Hanand head does be low. So wid head and tail together, Lalloo and Hanand don’t even need de right kinda weather fuh leather.
Well, Mook Lall and de headitor know bout de blacklist, but dem hear bout another list in GT and dem tail gone up since then. Even wid bamzee expose and de place cold, dem determine to keep dem tail up. That is because de list dem hear bout is de lash list and dem put dem name down right away. Dem even fightin fuh see who gon be first to get de lashin.
It look like Mook Lall and de headitor fed up of de lashin from dem boys who seh dem is boys and from Freddie de Mankisser. Now dem want a fresh lash man and dem willin to pay plenty fuh plenty lashin. De Mook and de headitor even beggin a long time fuh some lashin from guvament people. But dem not gettin any guvament lashin, so dem tekkin it out by givin guvament a tongue lashin in de mud paper.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But just wid de thought of de lashin, Glenn done turn a Hen and Adam seh call me Madam. And both of dem bawlin one time, “Lash me.”
November 28, 2013 By
Every ting in life does change. A famous man seh de only ting in life that is constant is change. Tings does change by de second, de minute and de hour. People does go to bed in de night and wake up next day and tings does change in dem sleep. People does go away and come back and tings does change while dem ain’t deh bout. A man does get married and seh “I do”, but by the time de honeymoon done de “I do” done too. “I do” does change to “I done”.
One guvament tek 28 years fuh change, but after all it still change in de end. Burnt Ham used to behave as though he gon deh round forever, but even he get change and de Heights Man tek over, after which de Heights Man he self get change too. This guvament done deh bout fuh 21 years, but de way tings goin, that might change soon. So nutten is permanent in life.
But Guyana is a special place. This country break all de rules of change. GT de garbage town got a mayor-fuh-life name Green Ham. De mayor-fuh-life don’t ever change. Every day in GT is de same mayor-fuh-life and every day is de same problems, except that de problems gettin bigger and badder.
Every body know that Guyana below sea level, so people friken de sea come in and tek over all de land. No wonder Minister Benn Down put on a piece of extra sea wall to keep out sea water. Even when he run outta stones and he refuse BK stones, he still keep on extendin.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But people now friken de rain more. A preacher seh he goin and look fuh de ark whah Noah build. He seh if guvament can buy a old helicopter and a old water cannon, he can bring in a old boat. At least he ain’t gon have to buy de boat. And GT done look like it already under de sea!
November 26, 2013 By
When a cat get accustom to thiefin from he owner kitchen, he does never stop thiefin. Is de same way wid when a dog start to suck egg. He does never stop. No matter if is a ganda egg he get fuh suck, he does still suck. Is de same way wid people. De wrong tings that dem doin in life does become a habit.
Fuh example, when dem start tellin lies, dem does can’t stop. It does become a chronic problem. Dem does even gotta lie to cover up other lies.
Mook Lall and de headitor at de Kocheur mud paper so accustom to tellin lies that dem fuhget how to tell any kinda truth nowadays. Just like how a dog does end up eatin he own vomit, de two of dem does end up believin dem own lies and doubtin de real truth. De headitor even fuhget that Parika deh pun de East Bank Essequibo and not West Coast Demerara.
A lotta people round de country find de Mook and de headitor lyin so much that even de one and two truth whah dem tell in between does be hard to believe. In between de Mook and de headitor, yuh never know who responsible fuh which lie.
One of dem boys who seh dem is boys seh de Mook and de headitor does put people name in a bag and pull names every week to decide who gon be de next target fuh de lyin campaign. Yet when Mook Lall not around, de headitor does tek he self out and blame de Mook.
But de Mook don’t mind that. De Mook know he got de headitor under control fuh de rest of he life. After all de headitor get house, land and cyar from de Mook and he sellin he soul to pay fuh every ting piece by piece…although is not de first time de headitor sell out he soul.
Ting-a-ling-a-ling…friend tell friend…mattie tell mattie! But that is whah life does turn to when a Mook controllin a Packoo!
November 25, 2013 By