Satiricus was over the top at the news that prisoners in the Big Jail were updating their Facebook pages daily. Finally prisoners were demanding treatment like human beings and not like animals who didn’t have Facebook. Imagine, 32 years after the Convention against Cruel and Inhuman Treatment was signed at the UN, and prisoners were still not allowed to change their profiles on Facebook as often as they wanted. Didn’t prisoners bleed like other human beings?
Imagine they weren’t even allowed phones in jail! Man can live without food – well up to 40 days, your Eyewitness was told – but no phones?? In these modern times, this was worse that solitary confinement in a hole in the ground with a sealed manhole cover above! The cruelty of solitary confinement was “sensory deprivation”.
“So what the heck do they call “deprivation” if not being able to text people on the outside?” demanded Satiricus. Were there any other senses worth the name other than “texting” after the discovery of mobile phones? This was now the sixth and most important human sense!
Well, old people say “smarter the Police, wiser the population”. And it was clear the prison population were wise enough to figure out ways to get phones into jail so they could text and post on Facebook. “But hold it!!” thought Satiricus. “Maybe the guards are taking a hint from Pressie’s “position on phones” (abbreviated PPP)?”
Pressie, being the humanitarian he was, had pardoned three scores of young men and women who’d stolen phones and were placed in the slammer. Pressie hadn’t explained in detail his rationale but his cryptic “Go forth and sin no more” had spoken volumes to Satiricus – and maybe the prison guards – in this age of Facebook.
It was clear that Pressie knew how folks had evolved to a point where texting and Facebook was just as important to existence as air and water. And so if some young people stole some phones it was just because they couldn’t control their oh-so-developed-human urge to change their Facebook profile or see what Kim Kardashian was up to. Look what not knowing what Kim was up to had done to Kanye West!
So if it was Ok to “tek” a phone or two…surely you couldn’t blame the guards for allowing them to be slipped to the inmates.
It was the humane thing to do! Man does not live by Banga Mary alone…but by every connection Facebook permits him.