September 26, 2016

Force ripe

Satiricus disliked force-ripe mangoes. It wasn’t just the taste wasn’t right…nether was the texture nor the smell. “Heck!” he thought, “force ripe mango isn’t even mango!” So when he heard Man Shall, the Pee-an-See fella over in Barkika, accuse the BIGA fella going up against him in the LGE for his job as “force ripe”, he know EXACTLY what was meant.

Even the name the upstarts picked was an affront – BIGGA. Didn’t that announce to the world – or at least all the gold miners and Brazilians in Barkika – that they were “Bigger” than Man Shall? “Now wasn’t that a crock…! exclaimed Satiricus loudly. His wife didn’t even look up. She was used to Satiricus’ exclamations when he read the newspaper. She rated the daily papers by the numbers of exclamations they elicited from her husband.

Who could be bigger than the hand-picked candidate for the Pee-an-See? Wasn’t this their town? Hadn’t they picked that fella Broad Ford for their chairman last year even though everybody and their uncle in Barkika said he was a bounder and a turncoat? But then the rule of the Pee-an-See was when Prezzie spoke, not a dog barked. “And Broad Ford it was…as it will be Man Shall on Friday!” muttered Satiricus, as his wife busied herself in the background.

Who were these BIGGA people? Weren’t they from the Pee-an-See? Not only were they “force ripe” – they were ingrates. Dangerous ingrates. As Prezzie had pointed out when he flew down on state funds with his entourage on state business to hold a rally for Man Shall, “BIGGA was dividing the votes to let the PPCEE slip in through the back door!” “ And by golly, we can’t have that!” said Satiricus through gritted teeth.

Mosses could split the PPCEE vote in Berb-Ice, but then he’d already split the Red Sea with Divine Sanction. That’s different. Did BIGGA have Divine Sanction? “Hell no!” said Satiricus, as his wife brushed the lamp next to his head.

And that’s why Man Shall concluded BIGGA was “force ripe”. The Founder Leader had explained it all way back when Rod Knee was threatening his base. “Some comrades don’t understand this thing called democracy…They don’t know how to read between the lines. They only read what’s on the lines.”

Did BIGGA really believe Local Government meant the Pee-an-See would allow LOCALS to rule without being told what to do?

BIGGA was not just force ripe. They were today’s Worst Possible Alternative. “And must be dealt with condignly!” said Satiricus with resolve.

His wife swept his feet with her broom.

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